I laugh everyday...

I tell you.... this has been one of the best Christmases I have ever enjoyed!
Things that stressed me out a month ago have melted away after all the blessings God has revealed to me.
Asher has been a learning mix of naughty and nice.... I guess we all do!
Here's a look into some of the things we have been doing this Christmas....

He was extremely focused on hanging the ornaments

All finished.... posing with our pretty tree.

Going to the Polar Express

Waiting to board the train.... sneeky little smile.

Asher and Mommy

As a Stehlik, he shoved the whole pickle in his mouth.....

Shopping at Bass Pro and Asher caught a Catfish!

Santa knows all about Thomas....

Adorable, what can I say?....

3 of us at Branson Landing...


                                         LIFE IS SO WONDEROUSLY UNWORTHY GOOD!

Why do I crave Coca Cola?

It's the holidays.... there are many much of other things that I should want to eat and or drink, but this year I have had a crazy craving for Coca Cola Classic. I am not really a soda drinker.... I'd much rather tea or water, but this year I have dreamed of a frosty Coke in the original glass bottle! Why is this?????
There are a number of other things that I have found this year that have turned into a Langston MUST!
Listed Below is order of importance:
10. Wynton Marsallis CD... It's incredible if you are a Jazz lover
9. DVR.... I don't know what I did without it, however I need to remember to program the darn thing!
8. Lighted Wreath inside the house.... puts of the most beautiful light in addition to the tree
7. Elf on the Shelf.... this little "Kirby" has helped Asher determine what is naughty and nice
6. "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" by Barbara Robinson.... one of the most hilarious books I have ever read!( It's a little old for Asher, but he likes to hear my voice either way)
5. Christmas Lights at the Ozark Park.... Asher loves the dinosaurs, flag, and the "wiggly tunnel"
4. Ooey Gooey Butter Cookies... they are probably the easiest and the most delicious cookies I have ever made.
3. Time shopping with my Mom and my Sister... we don't do it nearly enough, but we always have a BLAST!
2. More time to chill at home... Maybe one of these days we will be less busy the month of December.
1. Giving to others in need and letting Asher be the one to do it. It has been a challenge this year since he wants everything for himself, but one of these days it will sink in what we are called to do with the blessings God gives us!
I am so blessed to be able to worship Jesus. I don't care if Christmas is technically to be in September.... and frankly, I don't think God cares either. For the simple fact that we are honoring and recognizing the birth of His Son he rejoices with us in this wonderful celebration. And that is what it is supposed to be!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

10 favorite Things Christmas Edition

1. Family--all together in our house
2. Twinkle Lights -- isn't it the most soothing thing to have nothing on but the lights on the tree?
3. Cookies -- we love to decorate Christmas cookies with icing.
4. Crackers, Cheese, and Summer Sausage -- this is a tradition brought by Rich's family
5. Jammies -- I love Christmas jammies!!!!
6. Christmas Music -- Harry Connick Jr., Jazz, Manheim Steamroller, Amy Grant, and of course-Bing Crosby
7. Fireplace -- ah, someday we will have one to hang our stockings on...
8. Christmas Movies -- Lampoons Christmas Vacation, White Christmas, Frosty, Rudolph, and the Grinch
9. Bundle Up -- I actually like getting bundled up with scarf, mittens, and hat. I love going to SDC this time of year
10. What I can't wait for... is seeing Asher's face this year on Christmas Morning.

What are some of your favorite traditions/ things about Christmas time?

A Funny Thing Happened....

Oh Folks....
I was locked out of my house today because our Garage Pad is always finicky in the cold weather as well as probably having dead batteries. So, I decided to go to Walgreens and get some lunch. On my way in, I see a man who is about 60-70 years old and wearing shorts, with a winter coat and stocking cap. Not a really nice coat, looks pretty old and dirty. I think to myself "Sir, you have got to be kidding me? Shorts when it's 32 degrees!" So I go in and pick out my lunch and keep getting in the same area as he was. The more I  was around him and thought about it the more I felt like I needed to ask him if he HAD a pair of pants to wear. So I put it off and put it off -- thinking I was going to embarrass him and me, until I had got into my car and he was coming out of the store. I really did have to ask him or else I would be worrying about it and thinking about it for a while. He made his way to his car which was not the nicest ( bungee chord holding something on... paint kinda rusty) and so I followed him. I parked my car right next to his and got out. I helped him with his bags and said to him in my very hoarse, almost non-existent- from the cold- voice, "Sir, I just have to ask you if you have some pants to wear on a cold day like this?" His response: "Yes maam, I have lots of pants. I just have a problem with peeing a lot and I have to be ready when it's time to go!" I said, "Alright sir thats great, I just could not bear to think that you didn't have any to wear, cause if you didn't we were gonna go buy you some!!!!"

Glad it was just that.... I guess I get an "E" for "Effort" right?
Boy, I bet the Lord is laughing at that one!

Thankfulness

I am torn today.
We, as a family, have had a disappointing month monetarily. Money we were counting on for Christmas, for this or that, simply did not come in.
That has been incredibly hard to swallow....
Seems like just when we think we will have some extra, something came up to take it away.
On any given day, I suppose, I would seem materialistic. Even thought most days I don't want to be.
Here we are at Thanksgiving, the time in the year where we recognize our blessings given to us from above, as well as the starting gate to the Christmas Shopping season.
On one hand I am discouraged, worrisome, and disappointed with what we will have to buy presents with ---( I love to give), though never have been the one to buy the most amazing present. This year with our savings from the last year I was hoping I would be able to do that. Our first real Christmas that Asher will be excited and able to participate more in, and here we are.... strapped again.
     Then I read about a little precious girl. She has been battling bilateral kidney cancer for the last year. She is only 2 years old and is back in the hospital with kidney failure. She is hooked up for dialysis, as well as on an oxygen machine since her lungs are full of fluid--that her little body can't get rid of from the damage. 
           Bear with me, since I am crying so hard I can't see the screen.
I am sure that her family would LOVE to only have to worry about how to buy Christmas presents. Instead they will spend Thanksgiving at the hospital praying for their little girl.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/pearlhollan/journal

    Rich and I went to drop off some clothes at Least of These on Saturday, not knowing they were having their  Thanksgiving Feast that day. A car would pull up, hand them their coupon and off they go with a full Thanksgiving meal. It was not a regular drop off day so we had to stay in the line of cars. I got out and told the director what we were there for and she went ahead and took the clothes.
My family has a great meal planned. We are able to buy groceries every week with no problem. We don't go without anything we need.
Folks, God has shown me how thankful I need to be. I have everything I ever need... most importantly my family is healthy.
What a selfish person I have been.....
I could have so much more.... and could have so much LESS.
God has stayed faithful to Rich and I.
I am thankful for breath each day, not just for myself but for those I love.
I am thankful for the home that we have.
I am thankful for the money that God provides us with so we can buy and give to ours and others needs.
In my focus this year, I am thankful for our health.  We take this for granted all the time.
I am thankful that I have freedom in Christ. He has washed this sin stricken body with His blood so that I may have life and have in more abundantly.
I am thankful that God has opened my eyes to my sin and placed near me someone who I can pray for and who reminds me how blessed I truly am.
Blessings don't come in a green piece of paper all the time..... they are small, everyday things that, If we only ask God to open our eyes to, we can see God's blessings all around us.
Happy Thanksgiving

Passion

Pas>sion:  noun

a: the state or capacity of being acted on by external agents or forces

 b : intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction

Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin passion-, passio suffering, being acted upon, from Latin pati to suffer — more at patient

Synonyms:

passion, fervor, ardor, enthusiasm, zeal mean intense emotion compelling action. passion applies to an emotion that is deeply stirring or ungovernable

     Most meanings of PASSION are related to an emotion or feeling that is so strong you lose control over it.

AS I was listening to a new song this morning I heard these words... " Let the Glory of Your Name be the PASSION of the church."   Then I got to thinking what exactly passion means. Or I guess the other definitions that I don't know or choose not to know. 

I would consider myself a passionate person at heart. I have learned to suppress it through the years... many foot in mouth situations after speaking without my filter.  I have many passions... family, loving others, loving animals----needless to say I believe that my spiritual gift is mercy. 

There are times that I do want to sell every thing I own and devote it to helping others. But alas... I do not.

I am proud that my Mom has taught me to love others, and that is the most important thing I want to pass to my kids. But why do we not have the passion like it describes above? Oh sure, we "want" to do all these great things but our passion is not the unwavering, unmastered, uncontrolled like it says. 

Oh to think what the world and church would be like if we did!!!!!!!

We have passion for those we are around... our close church, our family, or when we are asked to give for this or that. But on any given day? 

I feel like my passion is paralyzed. I have become sensitized not to be offending or being focused on my own life, etc....

For example, my family has decided to all pitch in some money and do some kind of charitable act for Christmas. To show our kids that we are called to do this and any time you can get your kids focused on giving to others the better, especially during the "me,me,me" holidays. We decided to adopt a family here in the local area. My first thought, was that some people take advantage of the system. I have heard of families registering from this place or that place and ending up having a huge amount of presents, far more than I ever did. So, I just generalized and thought our money would go farther and for someone's survival if we donated it abroad.  It would buy a family a goat or something that could make a village live or die, instead of toys -which is just extra.

Even after reliving this.. I have made myself sick. Giving is giving... no matter if it is the guy at the edge of the of the road holding a sign, or to the pregnant woman who is stuck at the grocery store without enough money..... giving is what God tells us to do! We are responsible for our motives... they are responsible for theirs. If we are obedient God honors that. 

I will never forget.... when I was about 7, my family went to Alanon meetings since my Dad is an alcoholic. We went to a place called Bridgeway which was a rehab center and they housed many patents. I remember thinking that I was in a retirement home because everyone there was on medication and seemed so old. They were sick, they were tired, they were emotionally a wreck. We would go there and support my Dad and I would play pool and eat ice cream. My mom had slippped away to use to use the bathroom and left me there by the front desk where the nurse was sorting pills for all the patients. I remembered I had some money in my pocket, though I don't remember how much or where I got it, but I felt called to give it to her. I remember stepping up to the front desk and telling her that I wanted to give this money to help the sick ones. I wish I can go back and relive this again and pay attention to the nurses face. All I remember is her giving me a pencil as a gift of appreciation and then telling my Mom what I had done. 

I remember feeling a sense of overwhelming love that made me want to cry for those people. They needed help and, as a child, I gave all I knew I could give. 

I wish that I had this passion for others again.... Oh sure, we have many things we give to monthly and things that we give as extra here and there. But we budget for this, we don't miss the money we give. That I feel IS a blessing from God honoring our obedience to do this. 

It doesn't have to be money... it can be time, support, a smile a hug.... anything to show that they are loved and acknowledged. 

Our passion should be deeply stirring or ungovernable, but instead we have passion-like ardor which is an
excited feeling likely to be fitful or short-lived.  

I want passion everyday.... all day. I want passion for the kingdom. 

I grieve for the passion of the church.... how long it has been paralyzed too. How many people do we send away who want money or a ride from someone here or there. Giving is giving... we give and we leave the rest to God. 

If we don't.... the world will. They will do it under every perversion of "LOVE"... 

God is Love, It is His very nature--- let's give credit where credit is due.

10 Honest things...

Taking the advice from my friend John... I figure I won't plague you with having to come up with a question to ask about me.. I'll just give you some information you probably don't care to know. So here goes...

10 HONEST things about me:
1. In order for me to go to sleep, I rub my feet together...( Beginning to wonder if I actually have RLS, but I usually stop when I finally go to sleep.)
2. I am relatively a easy going person until I hit by breaking point and then I have a bad temper....unfortunately it happens a lot more often with Asher than anyone else. Thus, I have a lot of guilt for this. I am working on it though.
3.I went through a phase of stealing when I was younger... not sure what it was brought on by..... but never stole anything from the store-- mainly from my sister or my friends. I think now I desperately wanted to be someone else... it created a mind that thought other people's things were so much better than what I ever had.
4. I struggle with worry. ( If you have read this blog before, you probably already know) I have some of the worst case scenarios go through my head--mainly dealing with Asher and what I would do in case it should happen. ( I know I'm a little nuts)
5. I really wish that I would have lived on campus in college. Had the college experience and made friends, lived the craziness of dorm life.... maybe I would have finished all in one go! My reasoning behind it was to save money as well as I worked a LOT! Right after class I would go to work.
6. I have always daydreamed of being famous. Never a really BIG dream, but always thought that it would be nice to be looked at as a movie star. ( This probably goes along with wanting to be someone else) Also I love to act, even though I'm not very good at it.
7. OK this one is hard to admit...... ahem. I once screamed  and cried at the video, "My Heart Will Go On" after seeing the movie Titanic. "NO JACK! DON"T LET GO!!!!!!!!!!....... Oh my. I'm a moron for putting that!
8. I have a small birthmark that looks like tyrannosaurus rex on my upper thigh. Rich can only appreciate this one.
9. I read people really well. Most of my intuitions have been right about people, so you're not fooling anyone here!
10. I was baptized in a creek... and I hold this so dear. Not many people now a days can say this. Just is awesome to be bathed in something that God created in the earth. Someday if I ever go to Israel, I would love to be baptized in the Jordan and would love for my husband to be the one to do it. Heard Candice Cameron tell a story about this and made my cry so hard!
There you have it guys... more information than you'd ever want to know about me.

".....Getting to know you"...

If there was ever a question you wanted to ask about me... ANYTHING. Ask it here:
Thought it might be fun

No one Smiled.--

Sinful man I know.... we can't deny that our inner selfish, attention seeking flesh makes our decisions.
Life can just really suck sometimes.
Circumstances in our life can make living unbearable sometimes.
I am sad for this world.

People in this day are hurting....
I was at Walmart, where I know most good moods leave us, but while I was shopping I noticed people.
They were angry.. shut off, empty almost.
No one smiled at me other than a couple of people who accidentally almost bumped into me. Trust me I was ready to smile at them!
I just got to thinking what on earth is making people so hollow?
No one wants to be talked to, or talk to anyone else. They want to do their shopping and go home. No problems.
And yet what do we do?... we ignore the lives of those hurting around us so we don't.............. what?
Help me on this....
Why do we strictly choose not to think anyone matters other than us?

Just cause I want to never forget....

Asher.... age 2 years and 5 months and 1 week.
You are actually sick at the moment. You have had croup which then turned into a cold which then turned into a sinus infection and ear infection.
It's the day before Halloween and we all went to FBCO for a fun harvest festival. You got to play games and get some candy. You were dressed like Thomas the Tank. I made you a Thomas out of cardboard and fixed it to your wagon to drive. You are the cutest engine driver I have ever seen!!!!!!!
You're vocabulary never ceases to amaze me... you talk very much like an older kid. You repeat all the dinosaur names that Daddy can come up with. You LOVE to sing..... especially "Buckle Band"(Vocal Band) songs. You have an already musical mind and can pick out some parts and ad libs in songs ( Mommy can't even do that!)
You enjoy playing cars still, as well as trains. You want to watch Mater's Tall Tales all the time and your favorite is Tokyo Mater where they race.
You are Daddy's little buddy and love to play with him.... doesn't even matter what, just that he's there with you. He's just finishing a 2 week long vacation and you have loved getting to spend some extra time with him. I think Daddy has enjoyed it just as much!
You weigh 30 lbs and are about 37-38 inches tall..... growing so much! You were running around the house the other night and looking at your little diaper only body I noticed how tall and big you were getting.
You are 2 and with that comes a change in your attitude. You are much more independent and wanting to do more and more by yourself. Throwing more fits and spending a little more time on your time out mat. That's ok though, these things are shaping your personality and will contribute to the man that you will become.
Even though you and I have some power struggles you still want Mama snuggles every morning and you still take time out of playing cars to smooch me.  You are truly the most loving and sweet little guy and I hope you know how much your Mommy and Daddy LOVE you.
I love you Asher, more than you'll ever know, and Jesus loves you more than that!
Mama

Letting my cape fly......

I read a great post:
http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/worthless-women-and-men-who-make-them.html?spref=fb   


This touches on the topic of the insecurities in the lives of women, specifically in this computer age.
              I was basically raised by a single Mom, and that, in and of itself, can make a women feel insecure. Even though my Mom hid it well, I can imagine that it was very hard not to feel dejected, rejected and neglected. I was a chubby kid. I got teased... not horribly, but my cheeks have always been round. I can't really recall names or specific things that were done, I just remember feeling isolated....different.
Growing up I did wish that I were smaller, I dressed better, was prettier, etc... and now I wonder why at such a young age. I didn't ever think I would not be loved otherwise,  but I wanted to feel good about myself.  Be like everyone else.... or the everyone's that I was choosing to see as everyone.
      He is blaming the men who stop and gawk at these "perfect creatures" on the covers of Maxim..... I don't really know If I buy that. Just because Rich may think someone else is beautiful doesn't mean he doesn't think that I am too. Yes, my body may be scarred from bearing his child, but he loves me more for the sacrifice that I gave to provide him with children.I have never caught Rich checking someone else out while we are together, that may be that he's really sneaky, but I have never once. And ya know, if I did, I don't know if I would really care that much. Just because he wants to look at something beautiful doesn't mean that he's going to divorce me for it. Women... we do the same. Look at (bleck)... Fabio? Would he have been so successful if all we are doing is sitting at home obsessing over how we look to impress men? No, we are having our similar fantasies in books, movies, etc....
And part of me says... Ok, Dude... even saying that men hold all the power when it comes to how women feel about themselves makes my inner feminist want to scream! Do we not hold the power to rise above?
Yes, I had some issues to work through as a child, but I got over them. If I wasn't chubby it would have been something else. Do I look at models and want to be them...not usually. (The exception would be Victoria's Secret)  But I don't go obsessing about it every single day. I usually look in the mirror and enjoy what God has created me to look like. If  He wanted me to look different He would have made me different.
I think that the real problem lies with the Dads. Reading some comments about women saying their DADS would make fun of them, or laugh when their brothers did it made me want to go find them and kick them in the "you know where".  Really?.... Demeaning your own child. That makes me SICK. Are you so proud that you have to make your daughters feel that unless they look a certain way they are going to be dejected by society?
So... my encouragement is for Dads.... tell your daughter she is beautiful ( which by the way as a parent, I don't understand how you can't already think they are the most beautiful creatures in the world), tell her she is just the way God made her, tell her she is irreplaceable and adoring. Tell her more than anything that she is God's own heart. Praise her sensitivity, Praise her dramatics, Praise her tender heart. This will cultivate women-ness. She is made to be nurturing, soft, kind, and compassionate.
Tell her she has purpose...... and FAR MORE than to be an object of a man's affection.
Dad's.... in agree-ance with SDL... treat your wives the same. Treat your wives like you want your daughter's husband to treat her. Not only will it show a healthy, Godly relationship.... it will model to your daughters and sons what they should be and do in their future relationships.
The problem is not entirely from men checking out every perfect woman on the magazine cover, it's generations looking at women as less important and passing those mentalities onto their sons--- who chances are were criticized and not accepted for who they were either.
Cause really.... though sinful man, these behaviors are a innate characteristic of a man. I don't think we should excuse them from it---since we have moved past the caveman era, but let's not be SOOO critical of them and let this be motivation to keep them happy. Give them the attention they want, look nice for them, tell them that they are attractive to you. ---
It's a 2-way street here..... Wives don't have the excuse to let themselves go just because they are married or that they have had kids--- I mean really? How hard is it t put on a little makeup and actually fix your hair once in a while? As well as men don't have the excuse to say, "I'm a man, that's what men do!"
All in all I think that this is a great post that will spark many men to take a minute to evaluate just how they feel about women.... REAL women.  I mean it couldn't hurt right? Just think that he's giving them a little too much credit.
Just sayin'...

I was spoiled

Well, I went to get dressed this morning and pants started to fit a little tighter.....
Folks, I have been spoiled. I was lucky enough to loose all my baby weight and then some within a year of Asher being born. I got to eat WHATEVER I wanted and lost weight if you can believe that.
The time has come..... I need to be eating a lot less and a lot better.
Though I still weigh less than I did before I got pregnant, I felt so good when I was just a little smaller. Not near as tired in the afternoons.
Here's my plan of attack:
Exercise.... and I say this with a smirk since this is the hardest part for me...
Eating less portions.... I don't need to compete with my husband on how many pieces of pizza I can eat!
Eating more greens... I am a vegetable fanatic, so this will not be hard.
Not being lazy with my meals... It's really not that I "like the junk food, as I am perfectly fine eating healthy, I get lazy. I get home, get busy or get lazy and then my plans for a great meal are shot down the garbage disposal along with the processed leftovers!
If I can get my butt in gear I can at least shave off a little to feel comfortable in my jeans again!
I have a feeling that adding daily exercise to my routine will impact greatly.
It's like Bible study... Love it when I do it, but find a million excuses not to do it!
Wish me luck!

BaCk To BeD !

Maybe it's the weather.....

  I want to be back in bed snuggling with my 2 favorite boys.

Instead, I am here at work with not a whole lot to do..... which makes it even WORSE!

We had a great first day of Daddy's vacation yesterday. I had a eye doctor appointment, so we got up early and picked up the house and went to the mall. Asher must have known that Rich was home on a day that he should have been at work, cause he could not get enough of his Dad. He was SOOO excited to get to play cars and trains with him, that Rich had a hard time taking a shower without Asher at the door wanting him to come out and play. He waited, trains in hand, at the bathroom door for his Daddy. We had some errands to run, such as picking out a 1st birthday party gift for our twin cousins. Asher was good enough that Daddy bought him a new train too. Rich told me the funniest story about walking the mall while I was at my eye appointment.

There are few things that Asher loves more than seeing the helicopters flying, and visiting Build a Bear at the mall. He loves the mechanical bear outside BAB, and has named him "Thimble". Which, if you ask me, is a great name for him since he has a "thimble" for a hat.... Anyways, Rich was walking towards it and Asher calls out, " I'm coming Thimble!, I'm coming to see you Thimble"...... Needless to say, there were many looks and laughs by passerby-ers.  Of course he went in and wanted something... he liked the candy corn bear for Halloween and, of course, the Pujols jersey for his bear at home.They also got an Orange Julius--- which is equally hilarious hearing Asher try to say it! He insisted on ordering himself.... and the employee there thought it was so cute.

Rich said that Asher was very sweet and would take a drink and then offer some to him to share with Daddy. He also told them "Thank You" after they gave it to him, un-prompted in fact!

I was so proud to hear that he was a sweet boy. I know he is already. May just have to go back and get him that candy corn bear!

I'm looking forward to more memory making the next 2 weeks while Rich is off of work.

Too bad I'm not!!!!

Honest and Discontent.

Ughhh.... this day. 

There really has not been a thing that has outright made it bad, I am just frustrated. Frustrated at money.

I love it and hate it. 

I have had the same pair of glasses since I was a senior in highschool and so I am thinking it's time to get an update after 8 years. After calling and going to many websites I am bummed. I can find lots of ones that I like, but cost $300.  If you had a bunch of glasses that were unmarked and set them out in front of me, I bet you I would pick the most expensive one. That's just he way my eye falls.... and it's so frustrating! 

Oh to have money to just go and get the ones I LOVE.....instead of having to pick ones that I like, but are less expensive. 

And what frustrates me even more is that I know I'm not supposed to be caught up in the material things in life... but it sure is hard sometimes.

Rich and I moved back to Nixa from Bolivar after our first, and somewhat hard, year of marriage. We were so done with living in Bolivar and rushed into moving back. We got into a house that was perfect for us-- cute, quiet neighborhood, close to family. We loved it. Then God gave us our most precious surprise and the house quickly got a LOT smaller. More dishes to store, toys in every room, not to mention the baby things you save from your first for others to come.

Then started the discontentment. And if any of you have ever struggled with this... it is a overpowering feeling sometimes. I know everyone sees things that they want but can't afford, that's a part of life. But the difference is when you start to compare your life to those around you and think, " They don't even go to church, or tithe, or live like there supposed to......... They have all this money, house, cars, etc."...and here we are saving to pay for some glasses.

We were tested this past year when we decided to put our house on the market and see if we could take advantage of the great rates, foreclosures, and overall more for your money time in the market. We looked at 50+ houses and fell in love with the idea of more room. But with each home showing, we got disappointment after disappointment. Each time we would pray for someone to come and look at it and LOVE it, like we did when we moved there. But it never happened. 

In that time, our hearts changed. This home that had once been, wasn't anymore. The thought of more room to live, store, play, made our house seem annoying. Each time I had to move things around to fit another plate or when Asher's dishes fell out on top of me when I open the cabinet made me want to scream! 

The discontent disease had taken us over. 

After crying, talking, crying, pleading.... we decided that God had not had moving in our plans.

When we would search inside for the reasons why, we didn't get very far, other than the reasons why we should have a new house. We would use it for God's people to fellowship, we were not asking for a mansion, we do all the "duties" that Christians are called to do...

The worldly things are hard not to worship sometimes. We are here for a short time, but are here none the less. I wish that these things didn't give me the pleasure that they do. 

I like looking pretty, I like feeling confident, I like having nice things. 

It's days like today where I feel an entitlement to these things that I don't like!!!!

We prayed hard for God to change our hearts and minds. We did not like coming home to a bad mood.  

We remembered what our Gparents had when they were young and considered themselves very blessed. 

We eventually took our house off the market and stopped looking at houses. 

Even though I still want to scream each time dishes fall on top of me, and pray for someone to all of a sudden ring our doorbell and want to buy our house, I have dismissed the idea in my head. 

We know that eventually we will get a better house for us and have to, every once in a while, pray for God's patience. 

I am blessed.... beyond what money can buy. I have a home and a  family to come home to. I have a job. I have a God who has my best interest. 

When I get tied into "things", I have to remember this. 

This is not what life is about.... My life's purpose is to please God. Not to look pretty, not to feel confident, not to have nice things.... but trust God. He thinks I am pretty, He wants me to be confident in Him, and He is preparing a place where He will give me the nicest things I have ever seen!

Thanks Lord, I feel better.

Christmas Crazy...

Rich and I are funny. Our date nights usually consist of this: dinner, and walking around places looking at things to buy for Asher and or Christmas, and sometimes for Asher for Christmas! We BOTH have such a love of Christmas time. We love the goodies we bake, the time spent with our family, and just the overall warmth of the season. I know that it has become just a money making scheme now a days, but we still love decorating and making the house over with the smells, sounds, and looks of Christmas. As we look back n our childhood, those were some of the most precious times that we can remember. It wasn't even about all the presents and gifts you received... it was how our homes FELT. They were warm, they smelled of cookies, and for us there seemed to be more feel of the family unit than there was at any other time of the year.

We mosey through the stores and look at the decor, the lights, the candles, the ornaments. We always differ on our "likes". I like the more classic, vintage looks where he likes the more modern, cartoony, brightly colored things. We can usually find something to suit us both---  and have an attic full of these!

But there has been one thing that we have been dreaming about since last year....

A Tree.

The most beautiful Christmas tree I had ever seen. It was after Christmas and we were in Martins Floral buying some wreaths and things to make for this year and we saw it.

It was 9 feet tall, had "snow" hanging on the branches and had brightly colored lights in green, blue, orange, and red.

It was like a light from heaven shone down upon it because it made Rich and I both stop dead in our tracks. We looked at each other and both of our mouths were hanging open.

We went up and looked at it and just almost cried because it was the epitome of Christmas in our minds!

Then, we looked at the price tag.....

Disappointment soon took over.

We left with our heads hanging low, but vowed that one day we will have that tree!

And one day we will!

By the way, have I said I can't wait until Christmas?

Bara.

Yesterday, Rich and I took some taco soup over to his Grandparents house for supper while he mowed their lawn. We always love going to "Papa 'n' Nana's" (as Asher calls it) it's always so warm and loving there. Papa is usually outside doing something (though recently he's a little slower due to some health problems) in the garden or shop. Asher loves to go and "help". He does most things anyone asks him to help with, especially Papa.
 Asher is an outside boy. Anything is better outside to him. In fact, there are days that we will go outside and play "our game" that consists of throwing acorns at the tree and trying to hit the knots on the trunk. The higher you go the more points they are worth. He just loves the freedom to run and be a boy.  And I like that! On these beautiful days I would much rather be outside too!
Papa had asked him to help dig up some onions that he had planted and put them in the bucket to take to the shop and wash. Of course, Asher picked each one up as gently as a 2 year old would and put them in the bucket. He watched Papa dig all the bulbs up and would count as each would emerge from the dirt. He and Papa love to count things. As they were working, a stray cat came over to visit and get some petting from us. It was just the cutest thing to watch Asher chase that cat all over the back yard. Watching him made me want a farm. Not a huge one but one where we could have some dogs, cats and maybe some chickens and goats. I can picture him having such fun taking care of the animals. I am an animal person, as most of you know. When I was little if there was ever a time that I could not be found, more than likely I was out back with the dogs. Time with Nana and Papa is so precious to us. My Gparents have all gone and I never knew my Great Gparents. As we left, Rich said how glad he was that Asher has some great memories with them.
As I was reading my Bible study... hahaha... you knew this was coming.  It was about how God created.
Last night I had remembered thinking how thankful I was for the weather, the cat, the plants and flowers, and for my family. All these are creations by the one who is enthroned above the circle of  the earth.
The word  Bara (Ba-raw) is the Greek for create. The meaning says " to be made by God".
Since this word "created" was first mentioned in the creation of man  it seems it's referring to the spiritual creation that God made in humans. He created us in His own image.... meaning he made our emotions and spirit like His. When you think about this, this is our true self.... our physical bodies are only a shell. Our soul is our image of God.
Not only did he create the flowers, cats, weather for us to enjoy but he made the relationships that bless our lives. I grow homesick for the day when we live as we were created for. Completely un-distracted, in pure worship and fellowship with Him. That's gonna be glorious. For now, I step back and give thanks for all these little peeks into what that life will be like.... watching children play and sing with Jesus, gardens beyond beautiful for us to enjoy, and surrounded by those that we love most of all together in corporate worship of our Savior and Lord.

Fear.

Like I have posted before, I am knee deep in my Bible reading. Boy, it feels good to be there, but, there are some things that, while reading, God has wanted me to address. Within myself that is.
I have said this before too, I'm a controller. With this condition comes a parallel disease called worry.
I worry. I worry just about everyday.
Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind because Satan feeds me with some of the worst things to think about. Especially when I'm away from Asher... while I'm at work, while I'm in bed.
Most of these things I can pray away but there is one that is unrelenting.
I'm sure that I am not the only person, least of which a Mom, that worries about this.
Death. Not of me, but of Asher.
I like to believe that, if ever faced with a death of a child, I could cling to the truths that I know. But-- I don't know. That would shake my world beyond what I feel like a could handle. And truly, after reading this last sentence, It would. But it wouldn't for God.
And in some sick way, the fact that I am thinking about this, makes me scared that it will really happen. Even while reading today a verse scared me. Isaiah 32:9-10  "Stand up you complacent women: listen to me. Pay attention to what I say, you overconfident daughters. In a little more than a year you overconfident ones will shudder, for the vintage will fail and the harvest will not come. "
I know this is a warning to the people of the day, but I am ( though working on it) a complacent woman.
My faith is not strong enough, by my ignorance of it, to withstand the failing.
I guess my fears are fed by this ignorance. And to some degree, I like living in the worry though I don't know why. I guess that I am just enough superstitious that by not giving these fears to God I feel like I can keep it from happening. Crazy. I know.
So I'm working on it.
Complacency. Isaiah 30:9-11
" They are a rebellious people, deceptive children, children who do not obey the Lord's instruction.
They tell the seers, Do not see. They tell the prophets Do not prophesy the truths to us. Tell us flattering things. Prophesy illusions. Get out of the way! Leave the pathway! Rid us of the Holy One of Israel."
Boy. That hits home for me.
I have wanted to feel great, blessed, fed, and fat and sassy when leaving church. Sucked into the "sugar coated" phenomenon that churches has succumbed to these days. A happy tale of Christians being blessed with trees of money and a life of success, each packaged up in a pretty bow that says if you pray for this and be focused on this it will happen.
I'm sorry, is this what you all were taught growing up? I sure wasn't.
How bout this scenario.....?
 A graceful tale of a Savior, Jesus, who bled and died for your lying, gossiping, complacency, gluttony, selfishness. Through this relationship comes love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness,  and self control. Pure joy! This is true happiness.
This is the key to face trails and tribulations. And folks, we WILL.
Instead, of worrying and filled with panic for what might come, I want to prepare my heart to rely on the one who is working these things for His kingdom.
While I feel God gives us, as parents, the sense to keep our children out of harms way.... we are not immune to sufferings. Instead of focusing on these fears, I want to focus on the death of another Son that through his death brings me life.... and WOW I am so unworthy of this most precious gift. And I have not understood this more than when I became a mother myself.

Blogcrazy.

Blogging, I have found, has been the best way to make the afternoon go faster. Today, I am in need of such thing!

I have had a great time reading my Bible lately. Last night I was in Isaiah.... which is one of the most INCREDIBLE books of the Bible I have read. In my own Bible reading as well as the Faith Study I am doing with Beth Moore. Our ladies group has been studying it with DVD's on each Thursday night, but I can't go usually so I have just been doing the Bible reading and study questions on my own. I figure anything to get me into the Word, I need to be doing it.

Last night most of my reading was about the empty faith that many believers have. They give God the lip service that He wants to hear but inside they do nothing more. The don't tithe, they don't give their service, they don't even pay attention when they are giving God their " hour" each Sunday morning.

God talks directly to these people in Isaiah...

The Lord says:

       "These people come near to me with their mouth

       and honor me with their lips,

       but their hearts are far from me.

       Their worship of me

       is made up only of rules taught by men.   ¹⁴ Therefore once more I will astound these people

       with wonder upon wonder;

       the wisdom of the wise will perish,

       the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish."

 ¹⁵ Woe to those who go to great depths

       to hide their plans from the LORD,

       who do their work in darkness and think,

       "Who sees us? Who will know?"

 ¹⁶ You turn things upside down,

       as if the potter were thought to be like the clay!

       Shall what is formed say to him who formed it,

       "He did not make me"?

       Can the pot say of the potter,

       "He knows nothing"?

In my interpretation God is asking... " Who do you think you are?" You call upon my name and yet you do not live like you even know my name! ( ooo... I just gave myself goosebumps!)

And in my study Beth Moore asks the question... " Who do you think I (God) am?"  Going from the 29th chapter to the 45th chapter of Isaiah.... God answers this plainly as ever.

Imagine the things you feel like God is and then multiply that by a trillion-quadrilion-bazillion. He is more than you will ever fathom or comprehend.  He is more loving, sovereign, powerful, merciful, graceful, you name it--He's more.

To me, that's pretty cool.... and he loves me. He created me. Not just to roam the earth unimportant, but to have a purpose. A purpose to glorify Him. A purpose to show others this love as well.

I want to have my faith stretched..... I want to know, to know, to know.... what God has planned for me.

I want to stop giving into my empty promises that I keep giving Him and actually live out a... "present-active-participle" faith. Which means ever changing, growing, evolving. Here's the first step. READ. YOUR. BIBLE. God does not like to be packaged up in a pretty little bow.    How else can God reveal new truths to you if you are not in His Word daily. If you think that the things you learned when you were 5 are going to carry you through... you are wrong. After 27 years, I have finally realized this.

I want to live what God is actively revealing to me... and I encourage each of you to do the same.

I love hormones.

Oh the joys of being a woman. Sudden tearful bursts, hot flashes, mood swings, etc.....
Rich and I have been doing so wonderful lately. We have finally been somewhat stress free with financial issues we were having and went to a cash only plan for paying. It has been wonderful.
I am a contoller. Yep... there is it. The first step... admitting it. So, I have LOVED being given the boundaries and rules plainly. There is no room for error... when the cash is gone, it's GONE. Not that I abused this before, but there would come an occasional purchase that I would forget to give Rich the receipt for. Then I would get a lecture and feel awful about it... even if it were only 5 bucks.
With this change, we have been going to a financial adviser and she has done such wonderful things for us. She has even got us a new insurance plan that will save us quite a bit. With this change comes a little tweak in our family planning. We can't get pregnant with our next one until October 2011. Really, on any other given "time of the month" I would have taken this news and said ok. This week I cried about it. Almost as if they are telling me I can't have children. How crazy is that? I realized that I wanted another child more than I thought. I longed for a brother or sister close to me to share my room with and fight with. Because, to me, that was like a live in best friend. I have always known that I want to have more than one child and fairly close together. So, I guess to prolong it was just pushing the distance of them farther apart and for some reason that scares me. As if 3 months is going to matter greatly.  Like I said... I like things planned and written out so I know what to expect.... and you know, you would think from the experiences in my life that have NOT gone this way, I would learn that God is in control and he knows what is best for me more than I do. I don't know what is up ahead... He does. And I'm ok with that.... now that I have had my cry.

Forgive me.

Boy. 2. Tired.   This made for a wonderful lunch out this afternoon.
I'll be honest today. I was not in the mood for church. I thought I was.... I sure wanted to be...... I sang with a longing to feel and hear from God. I may have been trying too hard...... God knew that my heart was not there. Needless to say, my bad mood made for a meaningless worship time. Not that the music was bad or the preaching was dry, cause they were great, it was all in my head. God WAS there, He WAS moving in the hearts of believers and non-believers..... just not mine.
The annoyance of the morning sneaked into my afternoon.... went to have a good lunch at a restaurant that my Dad loves and was looking forward to having a great time visiting as a family. Asher had a different plan. He apparently was not hungry...(maybe from all the goldfish eaten at church?) He was tired, he was bored. And ya know he wasn't BAD..... he just wouldn't eat, wouldn't sit still and made it really hard on Mommy and Daddy who were trying to scarf down our food. I suppose it could have been worse with screaming and fit throwing.... I realize that now.
Was so glad to get home and get to bed..... Sunday naps were in straight order. Ash, again, had another plan.
He is a boy who never "likes" to sleep. Not that he doesn't need a nap anymore, but he doesn't like having to stop playing to take one. He fought me on getting into his comfy clothes (as we call them) and proceeded to whack me in the face with his head. (As a parent you are all too familiar with bloodied lips from heads coming up and smacking them....) That added to the mood. Then we moved to the bedroom and he had taken all of his puzzles and dumped them out.... which was about 6 of them, each with about 10 pieces to them as well as an alphabet one. I don't want to waste time, so I pick them up myself. I take 2 and put them in his closet and he takes the other 4 and pours them out AGAIN!
I was beyond the bad mood at this point, I was down right MAD! He gets put into timeout and after about 30 seconds he gets out......
 Repeat the above scenario 3 times. I was thinking to myself how much I want to run far away... and I probably should have.
I hate being mad at him. I hate having been in a foul mood all day and the last straw is usually brought on by my family. I feel awful when I let my emotions run wild and can't keep them in check like a mature adult should.  I feel ashamed and embarrassed that I take it out on the ones I love the most.
Satan revels in this..... he LOVED that I acted immaturely and how shut off I was at church today. He wants to make me feel this all the time.  Just as Jesus is always waiting with his arms open wide, so is Satan.
I need a timeout for today....... Maybe 3 like Asher.

I don't pretend to be perfect....  God and Asher have given me forgiveness and grace that, today, are so undeserving!

A little I told you so

This week has been a random and crazy week. Our schedule is quirky and thankfully temporary! I have been gone every single night of this week and going to FINALLY settle down and do some cooking for my family tonight. I count this as a privilege to be able to cook and meal for them. Not to mention how much I like to.
     I am also coming to terms with being gone from Asher so much this week.... I feel so out of sorts when he's not with me. I think that this feeling goes with being a mother. You have a sense of peace when all your cubs are tucked away and safe in the cave with you. I miss him so much when I am away from him... I miss talking to him, playing with him, hugging and kissing him. I will be looking forward to normal routines coming soon!
I reflected on the distance between another child/ Parent relationship. I imagine that God feels this way when we are apart from Him. He longs for the days when we have regular fellowship with Him. While I don't feel like God has the capacity to feel incomplete, He does want us to realize how much we miss and long for Him. I imagine that He "feels" the same way I do when I get home to find my precious boy's smile and arms open wide ready for his mama to hug and kiss him again. There's nothing better than to see how happy your baby is to see YOU!
On another note, I am so ready for FALL. It is my very favorite season. The smell, the coziness of my favorite sweatshirt and socks, and all the holidays that come after. It primes me for the months ahead with family and time making goodies. It doesn't last near long enough though.... before you know it, it's COLD! I like winter as much as I like the hot summer months.... which is not at all. I love the in-betweens.... warm days and cold nights.
This post is a little helter skelter... stream of consciousness. Sorry for the random thoughts here and there. However, it rightly portrays my state of mind this week!
Here's to acorns and apple cider! :)

Hunger

Lately, have been doing much thinking about the Word of God. How I am almost afraid of what it might reveal to me. I have never been good about reading it on a daily basis. Satan has a stronghold on me with this... when I think about sitting down to open communication and study with God, I almost always find something better to do... laundry, sleep, dishes, sleep. Why is this? I am a child of God--- you would think that I would KNOW that this is the only way to have a close relationship with Him. And you know, in my rational mind, I do WANT to. Why does it take so much to get to to be disciplined  and committed to this. People, I sure talk the talk... but I limp with the walk.
I have experienced great connection with Him and his Word when I was studying Daniel. It was like a great book that I could not put down.... constantly revealing itself in every verse. I had a hunger for God's Word.... it was AMAZING. Despite remembering  how great it feels, I have yet to get back to that place.
Sunday's sermon was very personal for me, it was about the backslidden Christian. I came to the conclusion that I started out a backsliddden Christian. Never taught that the key to staying close with God was to read His written Word. As I have grown older I know that, but have yet to stay committed to this most important command.
I want it to, again, be like a piece of chocolate.... When I am sad---I want it, when I am happy--I want it, When I stressed and angry-- I want it. I want God's Word to become my ultimate comfort food!
I am trying to rebuild my relationship with Him... I am looking forward to seeing what intimacy feels like with Him again and the joy and excitement that results.I want to be pleasing to Him--in worship, in fellowship with Him. I want to get away from the sake of church and actually become the church!!!!  Prayers for me, my friends, and that this would trickle down in the hearts of everyone who feels disconnected from God.  I love my verse this morning:

"See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty
deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the
elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ."
Colossians 2:8

It's time to say goodbye to the love of the world, and fall in love with God and the life He promises! ---Cause it's a great one!

 

 

Good Company

Most posts, as a devoted mother, are about my life as a Mom. Today, I want to talk about my life as a Wife.
I met my husband in highschool and knew right away that there was something incredible about him. He was a Christian-check, handsome--check, had an AMAZING voice--check *sigh, faint*,  not to mention smart and hilarious. All these things made me have stars in my eyes when I was around him. After knowing him a little more and knowing how he did not date--EVER, I brushed it out of my mind and instead put him on the highest pedestal there was. We were auditioning for a production and during call-backs we all had to do kiss takes. Normally, no big deal..... this time I was paired up with Rich.... BIG DEAL! I remember the butterflies in the pit of my stomach leading up to it. I felt like I was going to throw up. The time had come... there we were, face to face, and all I could do was giggle. I felt like the biggest moron, but I could not stop it. Every time he would go in for a smooch, I would laugh! After about 5 or 6 tries, he lays one on me!!!!! I have always imagined the movie kisses with music and fireworks and time stands still, but never had I experienced it first lips.... until that moment.
After that, I could not suppress my feelings as I once had been able to. So avoidance was the only way to deal. Luckily we didnt have many classes together and so It worked... for a while.
That spring we were in another production together.... and for the most part I could hide my feelings. After the last night of the show we all went to a cast party and had a great time. But for some reason each time Rich and I were in the same room, I would be sick. Literally, SICK. I either felt like I was about to burst into tears or puke all over myself. Felt this way all night long.  The one who I wanted to talk and hang out with more than anyone was Rich, but I had to stay away from him the whole night.
After that night, it became extremly hard to talk to him---- in fact, there was one day while we were in class together that you could cut this tension with a knife. I felt like everyone knew that I was in love with him.
Time passed and summer came. It was a lot easier to ignore without seeing him each and every day! We had mutual friends that we would hang out with so I saw him a few times that summer. I even went to see him in a Community Theater play and was able to hold my cool to talk to him for a while. After that we saw each other more and more.
I remember when we first started talking, staying up until the wee hours in the morning with the biggest and most cheesy and disgusting smile on my face that WOULD not go away. I could have talked for the whole day and night! The very mention of his name and there the smile would return to my face.
I realize now that I think God was in on this the whole time. He caused the sickness for all that time and waited for the best moment to reveal why.
We just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary and really married life has been easy. I sometimes feel guilty for this fact. Like, is it supposed to be this way? Am I doing something wrong?
Lately I have been reading a Donald Miller book. He talks about his battle with relationships and how he always seeks advice from others on this topic. He was interviewing a friend who had been married quite some time. He asked him if he believed in "the one" theory. There is only one person out there made for you.
The man decided that no, he didn't believe this to be true. He felt like you can pick your spouse just like you do your dog. You research yourself and your lifestyle and match them accordingly. He says that he felt like his wife was "good company".
I pondered this, because I once thought that Rich and I were "soulmates".... and still feel in some ways we are. BUT.... I agree with this "good company" mentality. God gives you guidelines in how to look for  your mate but you ultimately get to choose who you want to spend your life with. Anymore, a marriage is just a form of entertainment, and as soon as it gets boring... they jump ship and head on to the next one. ( Now... some circumstances regarding divorce are not this way.... ) But the majority of the world feels and acts this way.
I may not have the heeby jeebies every time Rich walks into the room, but I can't wait for him to get home at the end of the day. I may not put on makeup and fix my hair when he comes over, but I don't have to. I may not want to talk to him every minute of everyday, but I cherish the conversations we now have as a family.
I still think he is the most handsome, and love that he is so deeply in love with God, and, ( it seems impossible) but his AMAZING voice has got BETTER!*sigh, faint*   I don't know what I did to have this most incredible person in my life, but he makes me a better person. He is my ultimate BEST friend. And so I am so humbled and honored to wear his ring on my finger and share his last name. I am looking forward to the memories we will make and times we will share together and you better believe that I will have the best company.

It's been forever

It's almost been a month since I was last blogging... I guess I just have not been inspired lately. And thus the cycle of blogging, huh?  It may be that things can inspire me but I don't have the motivation to put those into words. This is my tired, sleep-deprived pessimistic mind today.  Been through a bout of sleeplessness lately. Asher is getting good at taking 2 hours to go to sleep and waking 10 times a night. I am not sure why, either. He will go to sleep only to wake up and flop and toss and then get mad because he can't go back to sleep. Last night I was beginning to wonder if he had restless leg syndrome!!!  This is equally as hard on me, as I get up each time he does. I remember waking up and being up for a WHILE, when I just start bawling. Asher looked at me and asked, "Mama, are you sad?" My answer was "Yes, sweetheart. Mama is sad cause I'm sleepy and your sleepy and we can't go to sleep."  He then looked at me and wiped my tears from my eyes---- which undoubtedly was a gift from God, because It made me stop and focus on him. No matter how tired we were, he was my baby boy and how special he was for feeling "sorry" for Mama. I am thankful for his already caring and compassionate heart.  This is one of the most important things I want to instill in my children. Far too many people in this world are so focused on themselves and what they want and need. I want my family to always think of what others needs are and how to show compassion. To me, there is no better way to show the love that Jesus has for them. Love should compel us!
After talking with his Pediatrician's office I have planned to take him in today to check him out physiologically. It may just be a phase.... it may be an ear infection, one can never tell. I just know that we are BOTH  in need  of some serious REM cycles and SOOON!!!!

Fresh Bouquet of Pencils

Every year around this time I always get reminiscent  of a new year at school, new shoes that I would get in trouble AT LEAST twice for wearing too early, a few new clothes and SCHOOL SUPPLIES. Maybe it's my inner organizing freak coming out, but there is nothing like fresh, new, undamaged, unused pencils. What a joy it was for me to open a new box of crayons and see all of them still fresh and sharpened from the factory. Then there was your desk at school.... it was clean, organized, paperless, and uncluttered. You know as well as I what your desk looked like when you had to clean it out at the end of the year.... you would always find something that you hadn't seen since the first week of school, or a lost piece of homework that you lost while cramming in all of the books. I get a thrill out of organization. However, over the years I have become less and less. It's not that I don't enjoy being organized...cause I DO, I just have lost my motivation along the way.( This is why you will never see my closet)
What is more exciting than your first day at school? If you were like me as a kid....practically an only child, raised by a single working mom, I was pretty doggone bored during the summers. Well, at least come August. Camps were over, too hot to play outside all day, pretty much watched every Saved By the Bell episode there was ever made..... there was just simply nothing left to do!  I looked forward to walking in the new classroom ready to begin the year. New friends, new start!
I loved school.....I love school. I still love getting to learn new things. But, unfortunately, as a part of getting older you have responsibility, work, chores, kids that kinda take up most of the days worth of learning. I definitely didn't know how great I had it then..... to only have to worry about what outfit I was going to wear the first day... Sheesh! Growing older comes great and wonderful things, but sometimes it's nice to tap into your inner child and long to smell a fresh bouquet of pencils again!

Happy School Year Everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sacrifice

So.....I started out the day feeling guilty as a Mama that I had to leave Asher today. He is going into a phase of separation anxiety. He cries each time I leave him, no matter who it is. Not just fake cries, real tear producing sobs. Makes me feel like crap with a capital C. I was feeling sorry for myself about it, then I watched a video on facebook that made me sob.... ( If you want to watch it I shared it on my profile....but be aware!)
Here I am feeling bad that I had to leave my son for 8 hours and then I would go get him later on and all would be right with the world again. I see these soldiers who risk their lives and their families lives to go to a hostile place and fight for our freedoms. Wow. I think my sacrifice is big?  I can imagine feeling how I feel today times 100...each and every day you aren't with them. And they do that for me.... They do it for YOU.
Then, of course, that sprouted me thinking about Jesus. I know how hard it is to believe that God loves you more than your parents do, but He does. I know it's hard to think that God loves your kids more than you, but He does! Imagine having the capacity to be the very definition of love. He sent himself to walk the earth and glorify God, serve others, LOVE like none had ever known before. Voluntarily!
Then to pay the ultimate sacrifice for you and me.....and die. Not just die....beaten, torn, broken down, mocked, nailed to a cross, tortured, ----everything done to Him that you couldn't and wouldn't want to think about your kids going through.Voluntarily!! Now that is sacrifice.
I am so thankful for those that are and have served for this country. You absolutely AMAZE me!!!!!! I can't imagine being away from my family for the time that you devote to serve. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You! Know that you are being prayed for each and every day.
And I am so thankful that my God loves me enough to devote His time everyday, His sacrifice everyday, His blessings everyday. I know that I do not deserve the abundant life He promises.

The Circle of Life

Coming off a night spent with my 2 nieces and nephew as a last "hoorah" before school starts. Asher thinks all of them hung the moon and LOVE spending time with them. When the school year is in we don't hardly ever get to see them. We went grocery shopping and got everyone a doughnut to eat and had a good time walking around Walmart and having the extra hands and helpers to load and unload. :) Spent the afternoon at the house playing Wii and playing with Asher. Dinner was pizza and the night ended with movie and ice cream for everyone.
It seems like yesterday that Austin, who is now 11, was Asher's age. They are very similar in their interests at 2 ..all about cars and trains. Now Austin has moved on to bigger and, I guess, better things....Spiderman comics, video games, iPods, etc.... Just seems to put life into perspective for me. I know I will turn around and Asher will be fastly approaching teenagery things and the difficult years. My niece Hailey was talking about having to wash her face already. Those hormones are starting to kick in....AHHHHHH!!!!!!
I remember back to when I was a VERY new mother and I "expected" all these things for Asher to do --- sleep thru the night, nap without crying for 2 hours, eat great, you can fill in the blank. I read all these schedule and routine books and brainwashed myself into thinking that all babies can and will do perfect with this... Huh? Asher didn't sleep thru the night until after he was 1, is a great eater ( but starting out was a PIG --nursed every 2 hours day and NIGHT! ), never has napped good.  And I learned very quickly that I can't spend his babyhood wishing he was this or that. I needed to cherish the time that I spend with him EVERY SECOND!!!! I know that I look in the future and see us having a great time as a family but I want to be present at this time. It only happens once....you never get a second chance. I won't remember all the sweet things he mispronounces or the things we used to play unless I am focused on him and cherishing it now. I was so frustrated by things early on and have learned to not be quite so tightly wound.... I could have it a lot worse! I am so blessed by my sweet little boy and he is so sweet, smart, FUNNY, adorable, strong, independent, well-rounded, and loving. He always stops to give Mama a kiss when I ask, he is a great helper, and a good listener ( for 2 years old). I just can't imagine my life without him.....well I could but it would not be as fun and joyful! I look forward to watching him grow but more than anything I want to watch him play today!
      Lord, thank you for this precious gift that you have allowed us to raise. Help me to set a Godly example for him, to teach him about You and the love that You have for him. You reveal the love You have for us through children.... as much as we love them, You love Jesus more and You sent him to die for all. Please take all my worries and doubts as a parent and help me to rest on You. Amen.

SIN.

I have been obsessing about SIN lately.What it is, How it started, What is our proper reaction to it?.... I have just a few thoughts on this in the modern world. Let me preface this by saying.... this blog is for my own forum...NO ONE ELSE"S. So having said that, this is not a place for people to be ugly, use foul language, or try to attack me or any of my followers. If you do--- well, let's just say, you won't anymore! I appreciate comments and responses that are legit, and objective.
Ok...back to the topic at hand. SIN.
I sometimes have to meditate on the meaning and origin. Not ever a fun thing to do since it brings up all kinds of guilt and anguish, just for being the cause of the fall. Humans. But on some levels, I think that this is a healthy thing to do. I think we give ourselves WAY too much credit. Most of us, when it comes down to the nitty gritty, think we really are a good person. We have never stolen, murdered, cheated on our spouse.... And really by way of the world's standards we are! But my standards are a litter " higher up".
I was sitting in church and preacher was talking about our bodies as the temple of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit lives in us! He goes where we go, sees what we see, does what we do. Think about that?
Imagine this... You are a teen again...(couldn't pay me enough) and you have to drag your mom or dad around on your back doing everything with you. They see the people your with..(uh oh), they are doing what you are doing..(oh my), saying what you are saying.. ( ahhhhhh)!!! This is just the same as Christians filled with the Holy Spirit!
Think about the anguish and sadness we are subjecting the Holy Spirit to when we think it's ok to yell at someone out of anger or watch a filthy movie.   That stings a bit.
Then I got to thinking about all that we ignore about sin. And ALL of us do. We ignore the little snide remarks to our husbands on the way to church after a fight, we ignore when we are given more change and keep it-Their mistake. But ya know who doesn't ignore it? Yep. That makes you feel really good, huh?
And the worst part of it ALL? Christians are the people who KNOW BETTER! For goodness sake, we have the HOLY SPIRIT LIVING INSIDE OF US!!!!!!!! We are the ones who have the calling of what is sin, and we choose everyday to ignore it. Do we think it's just gonna go away? Precious children of God, we know it doesn't go away. We have to answer for all of it someday. Not only that, but in front of the Creator, Almighty Father, Everlasting One, Savior, God!!!!!!!!
Here is the good part though..... we do have to answer for it, but it is not held against us!!!!!! Whew! Jesus loves the sad, dark, screwed up, human race that he was tortured, abandoned, CRUCIFIED for us ALL!!!!
And you know he became sin. HE BECAME SIN! This is incredible to me...in such a new way. Meditate on this thought. Wow.
Here's the even better part.... Sin can't hold him down. He raised again to show us that he has, did, and will forever WIN!....... We have won.
My chains are gone I've been set free .... My God my Savior has ransomed me!  I will live forever in heaven with my Love. The one who bought me with his blood and I will never have sin, guilt, shame, embarrassment, torture, ridicule, sadness again. That is SWEET.
While we have our time here, let's remember we are the light of the world. There are only so many chances and opportunities to show others the love and compassion Christ has for them. Remember when you are about to give in to anger or temptation that your eyes, mouth, hands, feet, and mind are the Holy Spirit's as well. We really do deserve the cross ourselves.

Here Goes...

This is my first EVER blog. I am wanting to document my experiences as a mother and as a growing and learning child of Christ. Bear with me since I am not the best writer, but I will love to share our family's memories and experiences.
Last night marked the first time we ever went to Chuck E. Cheese with Asher. I'll admit I was a little nervous about going, all because of the tons of kids and not enough parents who keep track of them.  I think most look at this place as a not so cheap babysitter and give em a few tokens and let em fly! I am not one of those mothers....I will probably still follow Asher around when he's 10.  We invited our dear friends and a gathered coupons and here we went. Rich has been so excited about this trip, because he used to work there when we first started dating. He has been talking about it off and on since we brought Asher home.
We arrived and let the kids get used to the place while we ordered and got the table organized. I think they were in heaven and didn't know where to begin and end. Pizza was delish, conversation was great and the kids were as well behaved as a 2 year old in Chuck E. Cheese. We played for 2 1/2 hours!!!!!! Fun was had by kids and adults alike! I was pleasantly surprised by the non-chaos and  felt that anything that would make my sweet baby happy -was well worth it anyways!!!!!