Just cause I want to never forget....

Asher.... age 2 years and 5 months and 1 week.
You are actually sick at the moment. You have had croup which then turned into a cold which then turned into a sinus infection and ear infection.
It's the day before Halloween and we all went to FBCO for a fun harvest festival. You got to play games and get some candy. You were dressed like Thomas the Tank. I made you a Thomas out of cardboard and fixed it to your wagon to drive. You are the cutest engine driver I have ever seen!!!!!!!
You're vocabulary never ceases to amaze me... you talk very much like an older kid. You repeat all the dinosaur names that Daddy can come up with. You LOVE to sing..... especially "Buckle Band"(Vocal Band) songs. You have an already musical mind and can pick out some parts and ad libs in songs ( Mommy can't even do that!)
You enjoy playing cars still, as well as trains. You want to watch Mater's Tall Tales all the time and your favorite is Tokyo Mater where they race.
You are Daddy's little buddy and love to play with him.... doesn't even matter what, just that he's there with you. He's just finishing a 2 week long vacation and you have loved getting to spend some extra time with him. I think Daddy has enjoyed it just as much!
You weigh 30 lbs and are about 37-38 inches tall..... growing so much! You were running around the house the other night and looking at your little diaper only body I noticed how tall and big you were getting.
You are 2 and with that comes a change in your attitude. You are much more independent and wanting to do more and more by yourself. Throwing more fits and spending a little more time on your time out mat. That's ok though, these things are shaping your personality and will contribute to the man that you will become.
Even though you and I have some power struggles you still want Mama snuggles every morning and you still take time out of playing cars to smooch me.  You are truly the most loving and sweet little guy and I hope you know how much your Mommy and Daddy LOVE you.
I love you Asher, more than you'll ever know, and Jesus loves you more than that!
Mama

Letting my cape fly......

I read a great post:
http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/worthless-women-and-men-who-make-them.html?spref=fb   


This touches on the topic of the insecurities in the lives of women, specifically in this computer age.
              I was basically raised by a single Mom, and that, in and of itself, can make a women feel insecure. Even though my Mom hid it well, I can imagine that it was very hard not to feel dejected, rejected and neglected. I was a chubby kid. I got teased... not horribly, but my cheeks have always been round. I can't really recall names or specific things that were done, I just remember feeling isolated....different.
Growing up I did wish that I were smaller, I dressed better, was prettier, etc... and now I wonder why at such a young age. I didn't ever think I would not be loved otherwise,  but I wanted to feel good about myself.  Be like everyone else.... or the everyone's that I was choosing to see as everyone.
      He is blaming the men who stop and gawk at these "perfect creatures" on the covers of Maxim..... I don't really know If I buy that. Just because Rich may think someone else is beautiful doesn't mean he doesn't think that I am too. Yes, my body may be scarred from bearing his child, but he loves me more for the sacrifice that I gave to provide him with children.I have never caught Rich checking someone else out while we are together, that may be that he's really sneaky, but I have never once. And ya know, if I did, I don't know if I would really care that much. Just because he wants to look at something beautiful doesn't mean that he's going to divorce me for it. Women... we do the same. Look at (bleck)... Fabio? Would he have been so successful if all we are doing is sitting at home obsessing over how we look to impress men? No, we are having our similar fantasies in books, movies, etc....
And part of me says... Ok, Dude... even saying that men hold all the power when it comes to how women feel about themselves makes my inner feminist want to scream! Do we not hold the power to rise above?
Yes, I had some issues to work through as a child, but I got over them. If I wasn't chubby it would have been something else. Do I look at models and want to be them...not usually. (The exception would be Victoria's Secret)  But I don't go obsessing about it every single day. I usually look in the mirror and enjoy what God has created me to look like. If  He wanted me to look different He would have made me different.
I think that the real problem lies with the Dads. Reading some comments about women saying their DADS would make fun of them, or laugh when their brothers did it made me want to go find them and kick them in the "you know where".  Really?.... Demeaning your own child. That makes me SICK. Are you so proud that you have to make your daughters feel that unless they look a certain way they are going to be dejected by society?
So... my encouragement is for Dads.... tell your daughter she is beautiful ( which by the way as a parent, I don't understand how you can't already think they are the most beautiful creatures in the world), tell her she is just the way God made her, tell her she is irreplaceable and adoring. Tell her more than anything that she is God's own heart. Praise her sensitivity, Praise her dramatics, Praise her tender heart. This will cultivate women-ness. She is made to be nurturing, soft, kind, and compassionate.
Tell her she has purpose...... and FAR MORE than to be an object of a man's affection.
Dad's.... in agree-ance with SDL... treat your wives the same. Treat your wives like you want your daughter's husband to treat her. Not only will it show a healthy, Godly relationship.... it will model to your daughters and sons what they should be and do in their future relationships.
The problem is not entirely from men checking out every perfect woman on the magazine cover, it's generations looking at women as less important and passing those mentalities onto their sons--- who chances are were criticized and not accepted for who they were either.
Cause really.... though sinful man, these behaviors are a innate characteristic of a man. I don't think we should excuse them from it---since we have moved past the caveman era, but let's not be SOOO critical of them and let this be motivation to keep them happy. Give them the attention they want, look nice for them, tell them that they are attractive to you. ---
It's a 2-way street here..... Wives don't have the excuse to let themselves go just because they are married or that they have had kids--- I mean really? How hard is it t put on a little makeup and actually fix your hair once in a while? As well as men don't have the excuse to say, "I'm a man, that's what men do!"
All in all I think that this is a great post that will spark many men to take a minute to evaluate just how they feel about women.... REAL women.  I mean it couldn't hurt right? Just think that he's giving them a little too much credit.
Just sayin'...

I was spoiled

Well, I went to get dressed this morning and pants started to fit a little tighter.....
Folks, I have been spoiled. I was lucky enough to loose all my baby weight and then some within a year of Asher being born. I got to eat WHATEVER I wanted and lost weight if you can believe that.
The time has come..... I need to be eating a lot less and a lot better.
Though I still weigh less than I did before I got pregnant, I felt so good when I was just a little smaller. Not near as tired in the afternoons.
Here's my plan of attack:
Exercise.... and I say this with a smirk since this is the hardest part for me...
Eating less portions.... I don't need to compete with my husband on how many pieces of pizza I can eat!
Eating more greens... I am a vegetable fanatic, so this will not be hard.
Not being lazy with my meals... It's really not that I "like the junk food, as I am perfectly fine eating healthy, I get lazy. I get home, get busy or get lazy and then my plans for a great meal are shot down the garbage disposal along with the processed leftovers!
If I can get my butt in gear I can at least shave off a little to feel comfortable in my jeans again!
I have a feeling that adding daily exercise to my routine will impact greatly.
It's like Bible study... Love it when I do it, but find a million excuses not to do it!
Wish me luck!

BaCk To BeD !

Maybe it's the weather.....

  I want to be back in bed snuggling with my 2 favorite boys.

Instead, I am here at work with not a whole lot to do..... which makes it even WORSE!

We had a great first day of Daddy's vacation yesterday. I had a eye doctor appointment, so we got up early and picked up the house and went to the mall. Asher must have known that Rich was home on a day that he should have been at work, cause he could not get enough of his Dad. He was SOOO excited to get to play cars and trains with him, that Rich had a hard time taking a shower without Asher at the door wanting him to come out and play. He waited, trains in hand, at the bathroom door for his Daddy. We had some errands to run, such as picking out a 1st birthday party gift for our twin cousins. Asher was good enough that Daddy bought him a new train too. Rich told me the funniest story about walking the mall while I was at my eye appointment.

There are few things that Asher loves more than seeing the helicopters flying, and visiting Build a Bear at the mall. He loves the mechanical bear outside BAB, and has named him "Thimble". Which, if you ask me, is a great name for him since he has a "thimble" for a hat.... Anyways, Rich was walking towards it and Asher calls out, " I'm coming Thimble!, I'm coming to see you Thimble"...... Needless to say, there were many looks and laughs by passerby-ers.  Of course he went in and wanted something... he liked the candy corn bear for Halloween and, of course, the Pujols jersey for his bear at home.They also got an Orange Julius--- which is equally hilarious hearing Asher try to say it! He insisted on ordering himself.... and the employee there thought it was so cute.

Rich said that Asher was very sweet and would take a drink and then offer some to him to share with Daddy. He also told them "Thank You" after they gave it to him, un-prompted in fact!

I was so proud to hear that he was a sweet boy. I know he is already. May just have to go back and get him that candy corn bear!

I'm looking forward to more memory making the next 2 weeks while Rich is off of work.

Too bad I'm not!!!!

Honest and Discontent.

Ughhh.... this day. 

There really has not been a thing that has outright made it bad, I am just frustrated. Frustrated at money.

I love it and hate it. 

I have had the same pair of glasses since I was a senior in highschool and so I am thinking it's time to get an update after 8 years. After calling and going to many websites I am bummed. I can find lots of ones that I like, but cost $300.  If you had a bunch of glasses that were unmarked and set them out in front of me, I bet you I would pick the most expensive one. That's just he way my eye falls.... and it's so frustrating! 

Oh to have money to just go and get the ones I LOVE.....instead of having to pick ones that I like, but are less expensive. 

And what frustrates me even more is that I know I'm not supposed to be caught up in the material things in life... but it sure is hard sometimes.

Rich and I moved back to Nixa from Bolivar after our first, and somewhat hard, year of marriage. We were so done with living in Bolivar and rushed into moving back. We got into a house that was perfect for us-- cute, quiet neighborhood, close to family. We loved it. Then God gave us our most precious surprise and the house quickly got a LOT smaller. More dishes to store, toys in every room, not to mention the baby things you save from your first for others to come.

Then started the discontentment. And if any of you have ever struggled with this... it is a overpowering feeling sometimes. I know everyone sees things that they want but can't afford, that's a part of life. But the difference is when you start to compare your life to those around you and think, " They don't even go to church, or tithe, or live like there supposed to......... They have all this money, house, cars, etc."...and here we are saving to pay for some glasses.

We were tested this past year when we decided to put our house on the market and see if we could take advantage of the great rates, foreclosures, and overall more for your money time in the market. We looked at 50+ houses and fell in love with the idea of more room. But with each home showing, we got disappointment after disappointment. Each time we would pray for someone to come and look at it and LOVE it, like we did when we moved there. But it never happened. 

In that time, our hearts changed. This home that had once been, wasn't anymore. The thought of more room to live, store, play, made our house seem annoying. Each time I had to move things around to fit another plate or when Asher's dishes fell out on top of me when I open the cabinet made me want to scream! 

The discontent disease had taken us over. 

After crying, talking, crying, pleading.... we decided that God had not had moving in our plans.

When we would search inside for the reasons why, we didn't get very far, other than the reasons why we should have a new house. We would use it for God's people to fellowship, we were not asking for a mansion, we do all the "duties" that Christians are called to do...

The worldly things are hard not to worship sometimes. We are here for a short time, but are here none the less. I wish that these things didn't give me the pleasure that they do. 

I like looking pretty, I like feeling confident, I like having nice things. 

It's days like today where I feel an entitlement to these things that I don't like!!!!

We prayed hard for God to change our hearts and minds. We did not like coming home to a bad mood.  

We remembered what our Gparents had when they were young and considered themselves very blessed. 

We eventually took our house off the market and stopped looking at houses. 

Even though I still want to scream each time dishes fall on top of me, and pray for someone to all of a sudden ring our doorbell and want to buy our house, I have dismissed the idea in my head. 

We know that eventually we will get a better house for us and have to, every once in a while, pray for God's patience. 

I am blessed.... beyond what money can buy. I have a home and a  family to come home to. I have a job. I have a God who has my best interest. 

When I get tied into "things", I have to remember this. 

This is not what life is about.... My life's purpose is to please God. Not to look pretty, not to feel confident, not to have nice things.... but trust God. He thinks I am pretty, He wants me to be confident in Him, and He is preparing a place where He will give me the nicest things I have ever seen!

Thanks Lord, I feel better.

Christmas Crazy...

Rich and I are funny. Our date nights usually consist of this: dinner, and walking around places looking at things to buy for Asher and or Christmas, and sometimes for Asher for Christmas! We BOTH have such a love of Christmas time. We love the goodies we bake, the time spent with our family, and just the overall warmth of the season. I know that it has become just a money making scheme now a days, but we still love decorating and making the house over with the smells, sounds, and looks of Christmas. As we look back n our childhood, those were some of the most precious times that we can remember. It wasn't even about all the presents and gifts you received... it was how our homes FELT. They were warm, they smelled of cookies, and for us there seemed to be more feel of the family unit than there was at any other time of the year.

We mosey through the stores and look at the decor, the lights, the candles, the ornaments. We always differ on our "likes". I like the more classic, vintage looks where he likes the more modern, cartoony, brightly colored things. We can usually find something to suit us both---  and have an attic full of these!

But there has been one thing that we have been dreaming about since last year....

A Tree.

The most beautiful Christmas tree I had ever seen. It was after Christmas and we were in Martins Floral buying some wreaths and things to make for this year and we saw it.

It was 9 feet tall, had "snow" hanging on the branches and had brightly colored lights in green, blue, orange, and red.

It was like a light from heaven shone down upon it because it made Rich and I both stop dead in our tracks. We looked at each other and both of our mouths were hanging open.

We went up and looked at it and just almost cried because it was the epitome of Christmas in our minds!

Then, we looked at the price tag.....

Disappointment soon took over.

We left with our heads hanging low, but vowed that one day we will have that tree!

And one day we will!

By the way, have I said I can't wait until Christmas?

Bara.

Yesterday, Rich and I took some taco soup over to his Grandparents house for supper while he mowed their lawn. We always love going to "Papa 'n' Nana's" (as Asher calls it) it's always so warm and loving there. Papa is usually outside doing something (though recently he's a little slower due to some health problems) in the garden or shop. Asher loves to go and "help". He does most things anyone asks him to help with, especially Papa.
 Asher is an outside boy. Anything is better outside to him. In fact, there are days that we will go outside and play "our game" that consists of throwing acorns at the tree and trying to hit the knots on the trunk. The higher you go the more points they are worth. He just loves the freedom to run and be a boy.  And I like that! On these beautiful days I would much rather be outside too!
Papa had asked him to help dig up some onions that he had planted and put them in the bucket to take to the shop and wash. Of course, Asher picked each one up as gently as a 2 year old would and put them in the bucket. He watched Papa dig all the bulbs up and would count as each would emerge from the dirt. He and Papa love to count things. As they were working, a stray cat came over to visit and get some petting from us. It was just the cutest thing to watch Asher chase that cat all over the back yard. Watching him made me want a farm. Not a huge one but one where we could have some dogs, cats and maybe some chickens and goats. I can picture him having such fun taking care of the animals. I am an animal person, as most of you know. When I was little if there was ever a time that I could not be found, more than likely I was out back with the dogs. Time with Nana and Papa is so precious to us. My Gparents have all gone and I never knew my Great Gparents. As we left, Rich said how glad he was that Asher has some great memories with them.
As I was reading my Bible study... hahaha... you knew this was coming.  It was about how God created.
Last night I had remembered thinking how thankful I was for the weather, the cat, the plants and flowers, and for my family. All these are creations by the one who is enthroned above the circle of  the earth.
The word  Bara (Ba-raw) is the Greek for create. The meaning says " to be made by God".
Since this word "created" was first mentioned in the creation of man  it seems it's referring to the spiritual creation that God made in humans. He created us in His own image.... meaning he made our emotions and spirit like His. When you think about this, this is our true self.... our physical bodies are only a shell. Our soul is our image of God.
Not only did he create the flowers, cats, weather for us to enjoy but he made the relationships that bless our lives. I grow homesick for the day when we live as we were created for. Completely un-distracted, in pure worship and fellowship with Him. That's gonna be glorious. For now, I step back and give thanks for all these little peeks into what that life will be like.... watching children play and sing with Jesus, gardens beyond beautiful for us to enjoy, and surrounded by those that we love most of all together in corporate worship of our Savior and Lord.

Fear.

Like I have posted before, I am knee deep in my Bible reading. Boy, it feels good to be there, but, there are some things that, while reading, God has wanted me to address. Within myself that is.
I have said this before too, I'm a controller. With this condition comes a parallel disease called worry.
I worry. I worry just about everyday.
Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind because Satan feeds me with some of the worst things to think about. Especially when I'm away from Asher... while I'm at work, while I'm in bed.
Most of these things I can pray away but there is one that is unrelenting.
I'm sure that I am not the only person, least of which a Mom, that worries about this.
Death. Not of me, but of Asher.
I like to believe that, if ever faced with a death of a child, I could cling to the truths that I know. But-- I don't know. That would shake my world beyond what I feel like a could handle. And truly, after reading this last sentence, It would. But it wouldn't for God.
And in some sick way, the fact that I am thinking about this, makes me scared that it will really happen. Even while reading today a verse scared me. Isaiah 32:9-10  "Stand up you complacent women: listen to me. Pay attention to what I say, you overconfident daughters. In a little more than a year you overconfident ones will shudder, for the vintage will fail and the harvest will not come. "
I know this is a warning to the people of the day, but I am ( though working on it) a complacent woman.
My faith is not strong enough, by my ignorance of it, to withstand the failing.
I guess my fears are fed by this ignorance. And to some degree, I like living in the worry though I don't know why. I guess that I am just enough superstitious that by not giving these fears to God I feel like I can keep it from happening. Crazy. I know.
So I'm working on it.
Complacency. Isaiah 30:9-11
" They are a rebellious people, deceptive children, children who do not obey the Lord's instruction.
They tell the seers, Do not see. They tell the prophets Do not prophesy the truths to us. Tell us flattering things. Prophesy illusions. Get out of the way! Leave the pathway! Rid us of the Holy One of Israel."
Boy. That hits home for me.
I have wanted to feel great, blessed, fed, and fat and sassy when leaving church. Sucked into the "sugar coated" phenomenon that churches has succumbed to these days. A happy tale of Christians being blessed with trees of money and a life of success, each packaged up in a pretty bow that says if you pray for this and be focused on this it will happen.
I'm sorry, is this what you all were taught growing up? I sure wasn't.
How bout this scenario.....?
 A graceful tale of a Savior, Jesus, who bled and died for your lying, gossiping, complacency, gluttony, selfishness. Through this relationship comes love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness,  and self control. Pure joy! This is true happiness.
This is the key to face trails and tribulations. And folks, we WILL.
Instead, of worrying and filled with panic for what might come, I want to prepare my heart to rely on the one who is working these things for His kingdom.
While I feel God gives us, as parents, the sense to keep our children out of harms way.... we are not immune to sufferings. Instead of focusing on these fears, I want to focus on the death of another Son that through his death brings me life.... and WOW I am so unworthy of this most precious gift. And I have not understood this more than when I became a mother myself.