Blogcrazy.

Blogging, I have found, has been the best way to make the afternoon go faster. Today, I am in need of such thing!

I have had a great time reading my Bible lately. Last night I was in Isaiah.... which is one of the most INCREDIBLE books of the Bible I have read. In my own Bible reading as well as the Faith Study I am doing with Beth Moore. Our ladies group has been studying it with DVD's on each Thursday night, but I can't go usually so I have just been doing the Bible reading and study questions on my own. I figure anything to get me into the Word, I need to be doing it.

Last night most of my reading was about the empty faith that many believers have. They give God the lip service that He wants to hear but inside they do nothing more. The don't tithe, they don't give their service, they don't even pay attention when they are giving God their " hour" each Sunday morning.

God talks directly to these people in Isaiah...

The Lord says:

       "These people come near to me with their mouth

       and honor me with their lips,

       but their hearts are far from me.

       Their worship of me

       is made up only of rules taught by men.   ¹⁴ Therefore once more I will astound these people

       with wonder upon wonder;

       the wisdom of the wise will perish,

       the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish."

 ¹⁵ Woe to those who go to great depths

       to hide their plans from the LORD,

       who do their work in darkness and think,

       "Who sees us? Who will know?"

 ¹⁶ You turn things upside down,

       as if the potter were thought to be like the clay!

       Shall what is formed say to him who formed it,

       "He did not make me"?

       Can the pot say of the potter,

       "He knows nothing"?

In my interpretation God is asking... " Who do you think you are?" You call upon my name and yet you do not live like you even know my name! ( ooo... I just gave myself goosebumps!)

And in my study Beth Moore asks the question... " Who do you think I (God) am?"  Going from the 29th chapter to the 45th chapter of Isaiah.... God answers this plainly as ever.

Imagine the things you feel like God is and then multiply that by a trillion-quadrilion-bazillion. He is more than you will ever fathom or comprehend.  He is more loving, sovereign, powerful, merciful, graceful, you name it--He's more.

To me, that's pretty cool.... and he loves me. He created me. Not just to roam the earth unimportant, but to have a purpose. A purpose to glorify Him. A purpose to show others this love as well.

I want to have my faith stretched..... I want to know, to know, to know.... what God has planned for me.

I want to stop giving into my empty promises that I keep giving Him and actually live out a... "present-active-participle" faith. Which means ever changing, growing, evolving. Here's the first step. READ. YOUR. BIBLE. God does not like to be packaged up in a pretty little bow.    How else can God reveal new truths to you if you are not in His Word daily. If you think that the things you learned when you were 5 are going to carry you through... you are wrong. After 27 years, I have finally realized this.

I want to live what God is actively revealing to me... and I encourage each of you to do the same.

I love hormones.

Oh the joys of being a woman. Sudden tearful bursts, hot flashes, mood swings, etc.....
Rich and I have been doing so wonderful lately. We have finally been somewhat stress free with financial issues we were having and went to a cash only plan for paying. It has been wonderful.
I am a contoller. Yep... there is it. The first step... admitting it. So, I have LOVED being given the boundaries and rules plainly. There is no room for error... when the cash is gone, it's GONE. Not that I abused this before, but there would come an occasional purchase that I would forget to give Rich the receipt for. Then I would get a lecture and feel awful about it... even if it were only 5 bucks.
With this change, we have been going to a financial adviser and she has done such wonderful things for us. She has even got us a new insurance plan that will save us quite a bit. With this change comes a little tweak in our family planning. We can't get pregnant with our next one until October 2011. Really, on any other given "time of the month" I would have taken this news and said ok. This week I cried about it. Almost as if they are telling me I can't have children. How crazy is that? I realized that I wanted another child more than I thought. I longed for a brother or sister close to me to share my room with and fight with. Because, to me, that was like a live in best friend. I have always known that I want to have more than one child and fairly close together. So, I guess to prolong it was just pushing the distance of them farther apart and for some reason that scares me. As if 3 months is going to matter greatly.  Like I said... I like things planned and written out so I know what to expect.... and you know, you would think from the experiences in my life that have NOT gone this way, I would learn that God is in control and he knows what is best for me more than I do. I don't know what is up ahead... He does. And I'm ok with that.... now that I have had my cry.

Forgive me.

Boy. 2. Tired.   This made for a wonderful lunch out this afternoon.
I'll be honest today. I was not in the mood for church. I thought I was.... I sure wanted to be...... I sang with a longing to feel and hear from God. I may have been trying too hard...... God knew that my heart was not there. Needless to say, my bad mood made for a meaningless worship time. Not that the music was bad or the preaching was dry, cause they were great, it was all in my head. God WAS there, He WAS moving in the hearts of believers and non-believers..... just not mine.
The annoyance of the morning sneaked into my afternoon.... went to have a good lunch at a restaurant that my Dad loves and was looking forward to having a great time visiting as a family. Asher had a different plan. He apparently was not hungry...(maybe from all the goldfish eaten at church?) He was tired, he was bored. And ya know he wasn't BAD..... he just wouldn't eat, wouldn't sit still and made it really hard on Mommy and Daddy who were trying to scarf down our food. I suppose it could have been worse with screaming and fit throwing.... I realize that now.
Was so glad to get home and get to bed..... Sunday naps were in straight order. Ash, again, had another plan.
He is a boy who never "likes" to sleep. Not that he doesn't need a nap anymore, but he doesn't like having to stop playing to take one. He fought me on getting into his comfy clothes (as we call them) and proceeded to whack me in the face with his head. (As a parent you are all too familiar with bloodied lips from heads coming up and smacking them....) That added to the mood. Then we moved to the bedroom and he had taken all of his puzzles and dumped them out.... which was about 6 of them, each with about 10 pieces to them as well as an alphabet one. I don't want to waste time, so I pick them up myself. I take 2 and put them in his closet and he takes the other 4 and pours them out AGAIN!
I was beyond the bad mood at this point, I was down right MAD! He gets put into timeout and after about 30 seconds he gets out......
 Repeat the above scenario 3 times. I was thinking to myself how much I want to run far away... and I probably should have.
I hate being mad at him. I hate having been in a foul mood all day and the last straw is usually brought on by my family. I feel awful when I let my emotions run wild and can't keep them in check like a mature adult should.  I feel ashamed and embarrassed that I take it out on the ones I love the most.
Satan revels in this..... he LOVED that I acted immaturely and how shut off I was at church today. He wants to make me feel this all the time.  Just as Jesus is always waiting with his arms open wide, so is Satan.
I need a timeout for today....... Maybe 3 like Asher.

I don't pretend to be perfect....  God and Asher have given me forgiveness and grace that, today, are so undeserving!

A little I told you so

This week has been a random and crazy week. Our schedule is quirky and thankfully temporary! I have been gone every single night of this week and going to FINALLY settle down and do some cooking for my family tonight. I count this as a privilege to be able to cook and meal for them. Not to mention how much I like to.
     I am also coming to terms with being gone from Asher so much this week.... I feel so out of sorts when he's not with me. I think that this feeling goes with being a mother. You have a sense of peace when all your cubs are tucked away and safe in the cave with you. I miss him so much when I am away from him... I miss talking to him, playing with him, hugging and kissing him. I will be looking forward to normal routines coming soon!
I reflected on the distance between another child/ Parent relationship. I imagine that God feels this way when we are apart from Him. He longs for the days when we have regular fellowship with Him. While I don't feel like God has the capacity to feel incomplete, He does want us to realize how much we miss and long for Him. I imagine that He "feels" the same way I do when I get home to find my precious boy's smile and arms open wide ready for his mama to hug and kiss him again. There's nothing better than to see how happy your baby is to see YOU!
On another note, I am so ready for FALL. It is my very favorite season. The smell, the coziness of my favorite sweatshirt and socks, and all the holidays that come after. It primes me for the months ahead with family and time making goodies. It doesn't last near long enough though.... before you know it, it's COLD! I like winter as much as I like the hot summer months.... which is not at all. I love the in-betweens.... warm days and cold nights.
This post is a little helter skelter... stream of consciousness. Sorry for the random thoughts here and there. However, it rightly portrays my state of mind this week!
Here's to acorns and apple cider! :)

Hunger

Lately, have been doing much thinking about the Word of God. How I am almost afraid of what it might reveal to me. I have never been good about reading it on a daily basis. Satan has a stronghold on me with this... when I think about sitting down to open communication and study with God, I almost always find something better to do... laundry, sleep, dishes, sleep. Why is this? I am a child of God--- you would think that I would KNOW that this is the only way to have a close relationship with Him. And you know, in my rational mind, I do WANT to. Why does it take so much to get to to be disciplined  and committed to this. People, I sure talk the talk... but I limp with the walk.
I have experienced great connection with Him and his Word when I was studying Daniel. It was like a great book that I could not put down.... constantly revealing itself in every verse. I had a hunger for God's Word.... it was AMAZING. Despite remembering  how great it feels, I have yet to get back to that place.
Sunday's sermon was very personal for me, it was about the backslidden Christian. I came to the conclusion that I started out a backsliddden Christian. Never taught that the key to staying close with God was to read His written Word. As I have grown older I know that, but have yet to stay committed to this most important command.
I want it to, again, be like a piece of chocolate.... When I am sad---I want it, when I am happy--I want it, When I stressed and angry-- I want it. I want God's Word to become my ultimate comfort food!
I am trying to rebuild my relationship with Him... I am looking forward to seeing what intimacy feels like with Him again and the joy and excitement that results.I want to be pleasing to Him--in worship, in fellowship with Him. I want to get away from the sake of church and actually become the church!!!!  Prayers for me, my friends, and that this would trickle down in the hearts of everyone who feels disconnected from God.  I love my verse this morning:

"See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty
deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the
elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ."
Colossians 2:8

It's time to say goodbye to the love of the world, and fall in love with God and the life He promises! ---Cause it's a great one!

 

 

Good Company

Most posts, as a devoted mother, are about my life as a Mom. Today, I want to talk about my life as a Wife.
I met my husband in highschool and knew right away that there was something incredible about him. He was a Christian-check, handsome--check, had an AMAZING voice--check *sigh, faint*,  not to mention smart and hilarious. All these things made me have stars in my eyes when I was around him. After knowing him a little more and knowing how he did not date--EVER, I brushed it out of my mind and instead put him on the highest pedestal there was. We were auditioning for a production and during call-backs we all had to do kiss takes. Normally, no big deal..... this time I was paired up with Rich.... BIG DEAL! I remember the butterflies in the pit of my stomach leading up to it. I felt like I was going to throw up. The time had come... there we were, face to face, and all I could do was giggle. I felt like the biggest moron, but I could not stop it. Every time he would go in for a smooch, I would laugh! After about 5 or 6 tries, he lays one on me!!!!! I have always imagined the movie kisses with music and fireworks and time stands still, but never had I experienced it first lips.... until that moment.
After that, I could not suppress my feelings as I once had been able to. So avoidance was the only way to deal. Luckily we didnt have many classes together and so It worked... for a while.
That spring we were in another production together.... and for the most part I could hide my feelings. After the last night of the show we all went to a cast party and had a great time. But for some reason each time Rich and I were in the same room, I would be sick. Literally, SICK. I either felt like I was about to burst into tears or puke all over myself. Felt this way all night long.  The one who I wanted to talk and hang out with more than anyone was Rich, but I had to stay away from him the whole night.
After that night, it became extremly hard to talk to him---- in fact, there was one day while we were in class together that you could cut this tension with a knife. I felt like everyone knew that I was in love with him.
Time passed and summer came. It was a lot easier to ignore without seeing him each and every day! We had mutual friends that we would hang out with so I saw him a few times that summer. I even went to see him in a Community Theater play and was able to hold my cool to talk to him for a while. After that we saw each other more and more.
I remember when we first started talking, staying up until the wee hours in the morning with the biggest and most cheesy and disgusting smile on my face that WOULD not go away. I could have talked for the whole day and night! The very mention of his name and there the smile would return to my face.
I realize now that I think God was in on this the whole time. He caused the sickness for all that time and waited for the best moment to reveal why.
We just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary and really married life has been easy. I sometimes feel guilty for this fact. Like, is it supposed to be this way? Am I doing something wrong?
Lately I have been reading a Donald Miller book. He talks about his battle with relationships and how he always seeks advice from others on this topic. He was interviewing a friend who had been married quite some time. He asked him if he believed in "the one" theory. There is only one person out there made for you.
The man decided that no, he didn't believe this to be true. He felt like you can pick your spouse just like you do your dog. You research yourself and your lifestyle and match them accordingly. He says that he felt like his wife was "good company".
I pondered this, because I once thought that Rich and I were "soulmates".... and still feel in some ways we are. BUT.... I agree with this "good company" mentality. God gives you guidelines in how to look for  your mate but you ultimately get to choose who you want to spend your life with. Anymore, a marriage is just a form of entertainment, and as soon as it gets boring... they jump ship and head on to the next one. ( Now... some circumstances regarding divorce are not this way.... ) But the majority of the world feels and acts this way.
I may not have the heeby jeebies every time Rich walks into the room, but I can't wait for him to get home at the end of the day. I may not put on makeup and fix my hair when he comes over, but I don't have to. I may not want to talk to him every minute of everyday, but I cherish the conversations we now have as a family.
I still think he is the most handsome, and love that he is so deeply in love with God, and, ( it seems impossible) but his AMAZING voice has got BETTER!*sigh, faint*   I don't know what I did to have this most incredible person in my life, but he makes me a better person. He is my ultimate BEST friend. And so I am so humbled and honored to wear his ring on my finger and share his last name. I am looking forward to the memories we will make and times we will share together and you better believe that I will have the best company.

It's been forever

It's almost been a month since I was last blogging... I guess I just have not been inspired lately. And thus the cycle of blogging, huh?  It may be that things can inspire me but I don't have the motivation to put those into words. This is my tired, sleep-deprived pessimistic mind today.  Been through a bout of sleeplessness lately. Asher is getting good at taking 2 hours to go to sleep and waking 10 times a night. I am not sure why, either. He will go to sleep only to wake up and flop and toss and then get mad because he can't go back to sleep. Last night I was beginning to wonder if he had restless leg syndrome!!!  This is equally as hard on me, as I get up each time he does. I remember waking up and being up for a WHILE, when I just start bawling. Asher looked at me and asked, "Mama, are you sad?" My answer was "Yes, sweetheart. Mama is sad cause I'm sleepy and your sleepy and we can't go to sleep."  He then looked at me and wiped my tears from my eyes---- which undoubtedly was a gift from God, because It made me stop and focus on him. No matter how tired we were, he was my baby boy and how special he was for feeling "sorry" for Mama. I am thankful for his already caring and compassionate heart.  This is one of the most important things I want to instill in my children. Far too many people in this world are so focused on themselves and what they want and need. I want my family to always think of what others needs are and how to show compassion. To me, there is no better way to show the love that Jesus has for them. Love should compel us!
After talking with his Pediatrician's office I have planned to take him in today to check him out physiologically. It may just be a phase.... it may be an ear infection, one can never tell. I just know that we are BOTH  in need  of some serious REM cycles and SOOON!!!!