March 14th, 2012

The day we met our sweet Owen.
I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty scared going in. My first C-section was a very tough recovery for me, as I had allergic reactions to my pain medicine and it really didn't do the trick on the pain either.
The night before as I lay in bed with Asher the fear of another baby and if we were really messing up his life were overwhelming. He would have to go without all of Mom and Dad's attention and we wouldn't have the same time we did before.
After many tears and Rich and I talking it over we knew that God blessed us, including Asher with Owen and that they will need each other someday.
I honestly can say I got some good sleep that night.
We had planned to get to the hospital about 10 sine they had planned the surgery for noon, but my OB called at 11 that night to tell us she wanted to do it sooner and to be there at 9 and the surgery would be at 11am.
Quick call to the family and all the changed plans are in place.

7am
We woke up and got ready. I even curled my hair and did my makeup.. which was probably the last time for quite a while!!
Arrived at the hospital and all the grandparents were waiting there already. Already making the nurses laugh! Papa John ( Rich's Gpa) had been having some knee trouble and instead of making him walk all over the hospital they wheeled him in a wheelchair. As they were wheeling him up to L/D he says to the lady at the window that his water broke! I guess it put everyone in a good mood and with all the excitement and laughter it put me at ease as well.
I get checked in and the time flies by! They are really ready to get me in there and outta there, because it seemed like they had me prepped in 30 minutes!
I had really poor veins for in IV and with Asher they stuck me 7 times before they finally got a good one. 
This time it took 1!! I was so thankful. But it actually didn't hurt at all.
I was ready to go in at 10:45 and so they got my anesthesia on board and we were rockin!
It was more nerve-wracking this time since I was very aware and shaking quite a bit, so all that fed my anxiety. I was so excited to hear his cry and see his sweet face and count his fingers and toes.
Rich came in and sat beside me and held my hand and tried to keep me talking, but Owen was out in no time.
11:03 we heard his first cry and it was the sweetest thing.
Rich said he looked just like Asher and that he had a little birthmark.
I think everyone there was awaiting to hear how much he weighed... 9lbs 5oz and 22 inches long. BIG BOY!
Although not as big as we thought...
Recovery was great... I loved holding him and studying his every inch and when I was holding him I wasn't shaking. My family came in and everyone had a chance to snuggle him.
Time in the hospital was great. I was not in NEAR as much pain as the first go round and was up and walking that night. All my nurses were awesome and praised how great I was doing and how sweet Owen was.
I will never forget when Asher first saw his brother... It was the sweetest look in his eyes. Pure love. He got to hold him and love on him and everyone made over him being the big brother. In fact, my mom took him down the cafeteria for dinner and he showed everyone his big brother button and he said  he was going to tell everyone that his brother was "born-ed" .
Later, as Owen was getting a little fussy, Asher leaned over to whoever was holding him and started to sing "twinkle twinkle" and was telling him he was ok and he loved him. Tears were in everyone's eyes on that one!
While I did enjoy the time in the hospital, I was anxious to get home to Asher and I know Asher was anxious to be home with all of us.

It has been a time for adjustment and patience for sure. On all fronts. Balancing time with Owen and Asher is trying, and some days I succeed and some I don't.
Forget about the gourmet meals that I was making 3 times a week, forget about laundry and dishes done. But that's ok, my main concern is my boys and the rest will still be there tomorrow!

A Funny Date night

I realize that the majority of my posts are child related, and while it is a huge part of my life... it's not all of my life. So I want to share about a special date night that Rich and I had that will go down in the books!
First of all, let me preface this by saying that we have 2 Grandmas that make it possible to for us to be able to have some time to ourselves... we are not very good at maintaining a good connection with the normal routine of life.
Since we have been busy, pregnant, and moving.. we have really lacked in the relationship field. Don't get me wrong, we love each other despite everything, but some days felt like we wanted to be as far from each other as humanly possible.
We needed a date night that didn't involve shopping for Christmas Presents or working instead as all of ours did the month of December.

Here is what we do normally on dates.... eat somewhere, shop a little around here or there, see a movie ( lately there has not been anything we have wanted to spend 20+ bucks to see... we have become movie snobs).

We wanted to try someplace new that we had made mental notes of, but couldn't remember any of them that we have mentioned before.
I occasionally read 417 magazine and always love to read their reviews of restaurants so I thought of one that I had seen a lot in there.
Rich was craving wraps, soups, sandwiches and so I recommended The Gallery Bistro downtown. I love to go downtown to eat; for the experience as well as they have such good food options there.
So we started on our way and I read a few reviews on the internet. Everyone said that it was great casual dining and the only thing that I could find wrong was that the drinks were overpriced. Since we don't drink I didn't think much about it.
We get there and while walking from where we parked we saw that Millie's was just down the way. We had only eaten there once and loved it so we contemplated going there instead, but decided to stick with The Gallery.
This was all on a Thursday night so most places were actually pretty empty... we were seated right away and given the menus. We order our drinks which was water for both of us, and open our menus.
"Shock and Awe" was what you could describe the looks on our faces! Apparently it was not just the drinks that were overpriced! Other than appetizers, not a single thing was under 15 dollars!
We have a running budget for our dates that mostly revolves around $40 with dinner and tip. We knew right away that this was not in our budget and we needed to find another place.
So, Rich pulls out his cell phone like someone calls and then tells me that we have to go. We walk over to the host and let him know that something just came up and we had to leave, but we'd be back to try it another time.
So, there you go.... we totally bailed!
We walked around the corner and ate at Millie's... which turned out to be the best thing ever! Rich found a sweet potato soup that he is in LOVE with. AND... we had enough money left over to pass by the Cup and get me a cupcake for dessert later. :)

A date that we will never forget! 

So this is Christmas....

What a wonderful Christmas this year.... Dare I say..... relaxing?
We had all our Christmas gatherings far enough apart that we didn't have to rush around or be stressed out for any of them!!! Each day we had something we had almost the whole morning and afternoon to hang in our jammies and then get ready that night.
It was so very wonderful.

I love some of the traditions that we have made through our families and here are some of my most favorite ones.....

• I started this year making our own little advent by wrapping 25 of Asher's Christmas books ( actually we have over 25 so next year I may start sooner than Dec 1st to get them all in) and letting him unwrap 1 each night.  Once I wrapped them, I didn't know what was what and Asher got to pick which ones he wanted each night. The cool part was that the very last book on Christmas Eve was the REAL story about Jesus and his birth. In of all the "Christmasy" books that we have we only have a couple about the birth of Jesus... so I'm gonna make sure and get a few more this next year.  Loved that God saved that one for last

• And because I am pregnant and my mind revolves around  food... another of my favorite traditions is my Mom's Fresh Cherry Pudding. It is this chocolate sponge cake that has cherries in it and then you drizzle this maple vanilla sauce on top! It is to die for!!! My Grandmother made it at Christmas when she was little and since Mom has started making it for us it has been a MUST, especially for Rich!  There's no doubt that it will be a tradition for my kids and grandkids too!
• my Dad, for the pat 4-5 years has been sharing a recitation called " The Christmas Guest" at our Christmas Eve service. It is such a touching story and my Dad does such a wonderful job at it. He has memorized it and for a 74 year old, that's pretty good.  Here's a link to hear it... The Christmas Guest, by Hoot Gibson
• Rich's family dynamic is definitely changing.... When we first started dating we had the most reverent and relaxing Christmas times. Now that we have 5 kids and 2 on the way, it's turned into quite the circus! So fun... but not what we are used to.  One tradition that we skipped out on this year, but will definitely want to make sure happens next year is Grandma Anita playing the piano while we all sing. All of Rich's family is so musical and we don't take the time to use it much.  We did sing, but acapella. I really missed that piano. She is so very talented and we all love to hear her play. She does it with such intent that it is always worshipful to those who hear. 

• We had lots of fun making goodies this year. Asher was our official "sprinkler" and would sprinkle a few and then lick a few. :) We probably made 5 dozen sugar cookies and 7 dozen dipped pretzels this year! He had lots of practice!!! 

This year with Asher becoming more aware of Christmas and the meaning behind it, made me really step back and think what I want our family's focus to be on. While we tried to make him think of others with our gifts to World Vision and to other family members, he still had a really hard time grasping that Christmas was not all about him when it came to giving gifts.  I know he's only 3 and that will come with age... but it definitely made me think that we should keep it simple next year. I think that instead of the stress of going to a store for things.. we may try having Asher make something for the ones he wants to give to. That way we don't have to look at all the things for sale that will make him think about what he wants. He will be able to think about what that person likes, their favorite colors... etc.

All in all, it was a wonderful time. I will miss the glimmer of the tree and lights on the fireplace... and the overall "home" feeling our house has when it's the season.
However, the leftover cookies will not be!!!

A Birthday Do Over....

As I posted on Tuesday, it was Rich's 30th birthday. As it turned out... we had some grave circumstances preface the day with the death of our cat, Gracie.
Needless to say, he was a bit bummed.
I did have to work that day, but had plans to make a yummy dinner and make him one of his favorite things... Boston Creme Pie.
Now, I have tried this before when we were dating and it was mass failure. The chocolate sauce never hardened and was more just like syrup and the cake was flat and not fluffy like it should have been.
So.... I searched, of course, on Pinterest for a recipe to follow.
Thinking about the ingredients I had and the ingredients that I needed... I realized I could adapt the recipe for what I had on hand.
So here's what I had....
1/2 bag of chocolate chips
whipping cream
yellow cake mix


... I know it looks dyer doesn't it?
But then I realized that on my lunch break I could swing by and buy some vanilla pudding mix to serve as the "custard" middle.
So as I got home from work that day, I also realized that I don't have 2 circle 9 inch baking pans, so I had to use my bundt pan instead.
Mixed the cake, let it cool.
Fixed the pudding and put in fridge to set.
Then I made the chocolate sauce, which I did follow most from the recipe, just nixing the added cornsyrup.
It turned out  so very YUMMY!!!!
It was 100 x times better the next day when the chocolate had time to harden though.
So, if you love Boston Creme Pie here is a totally easy, quick, recipe for those that don't have all evening to be measuring out and creaming and whisking.....

picture shown is not mine...( just giving you an example)

Easiest Boston Creme Pie
1 box yellow cake mix
1 box instant vanilla pudding
12 oz semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup heavy whipping cream


Make cake mix and pudding according to directions.
Place pudding in fridge to set, and after cake bakes, be sure to let cool completely.
If using a bundt pan... carefully cut the top half off to make 2 pieces of cake.
Spread pudding on top of the bottom layer and place other piece of cake on top.
Set in fridge.

Place chocolate chips and whipping cream into a small saucepan and melt, SLOWLY on med/low, making sure to stir frequently ( I just sat and stirred the whole time since I was fearing it would burn and I only had one shot at the chocolate).
After completely melted and mixed together it should look very velvety and smooth.
Pour over cake to cover all the top and sides.... if using a bundt pan you may have to spoon some out of the middle to cover the outer sides. If using 2 regular pans you should be fine.


You can eat it right away, but it's much better left in the fridge until chocolate hardens.
Sure wish I had a picture to show you, but it was pretty much eaten right away. :)

Tricks or Treats

Hope Everyone had a great Halloween night!
Our day was filled with lots of things like grocery shopping, bike riding and watching Halloween cartoons from my childhood on you tube.
I loved the old Disney Halloween specials and now a days they don't have anything like that :(
Asher was back and forth wanting to be Superman, the Flash, and Captain America... he finally decided on the Flash. Which is probably a good thing since Captain America will hopefully be big enough he could wear it next year. AND... the Flash costume is so cheaply made that the few tugs on the mask from Asher already put a hole in it. I've almost convinced myself to forever be a "make your own costume" mom!  Most I've come up with have been a ton cuter....
Anyways, despite almost falling asleep on our way to the first stop of the night, Asher had a great time. I honestly think his favorite things of the night were playing with his cousins at Gma Shelia's, playing cars at Papa Hoot's, and helping Gma Lisa pass out candy to her trick or treaters. He had a few pieces of chocolate here and there, a handful of pop rocks- which he thought were so cool, and some nerds. 
By the time we were ready to start home he was so tired and mixed with mostly sugar... not too fun.
However we had a sweet time singing in the car! Asher and I had a lovely little duet to "This Is How We Know What Love Is" by  Steve Green.  It was precious:) He sang the words first and then I echoed.
On the Owen front.... He's doing good. Kicking up a storm, especially at night when I first lay down to settle.  I am now 20 weeks so halfway there! I know that the next few months will FLY by with all the moving, holidays, and such going on. 
We should expect to start moving next week, so we are really kicking into high gear trying to pack away things and move stuff on over that won't get in the way. 
When we get in I will post some pictures of before and afters... it looks so good guys! I'm very proud of my hubby and thankful for all the help our family has sacrificed to get it all done!!!!

A peek, an announcement and a name...

Yesterday was the big day!  We went to the ultrasound a bit more anxious and calm.. ( if that's possible) than we did with Asher. I was just very anxious to see my baby healthy than whether it was a boy or a girl. I needed to see the little face and ten toes and 2 lips. After my many crazy dreams of deformed and confusing details of the baby.. it really started to scare me a bit.  The fear of the unknown is most overwhelming sometimes!
We set up to have everyone over to our new house to make the official announcement and to have some chili. 

Asher's big brother present from the baby!

 

 

Asher opened up a present for the baby to let everyone know he is a BOY!

His sweet little profile.. he already has Asher's button nose!

Explaining to Papa how to look at the ultrasound

First family picture as 4!

Comparing bellies.. 2 boys!

Loved the time to spend with family, was not without chaos though... we didn't have enough spoons to go around, and the night ended with Captain America puking all over the floor from running on a full tummy. 
We are still throwing names around but I think we have come up with a first name of "Owen" for him.  It means "well-bred"... ha.... and it sounds precious paired with big brother "Asher".
I am still trying to wrap my head around having 2 kids...
I guess one thing at a time... and for now, priority is moving!
Could use some prayers that things can progress a little quicker than we are planning...? We would really like to live there already.... it's home.

Have we got news for you!!!!

If you all have read for a while you know that we have been trying, most unsuccessfully, to sell our house.We have wanted to move into a bigger home that better suits our soon to be a family of 4 needs. Well, I am here to say that it is finally done! An opportunity that greatly humbles us fell into our lap and we are able to move to an awesome, better suited for us, home!!! We have been so blessed by this and we are so excited to get a home where we are not on top of one another all the time. It has everything we wanted and needed in a house, and while we have some work to do to update it a little we are SOOO ready to get our hands dirty and do this thang!!!
We have spent many man hours talking about paint colors and picking out ceiling fans, and just let me tell you how EXCITED we are about CHRISTMAS!!!!! There is the most perfect spot for our Christmas tree and we actually have a fireplace that is so gorgeous to hang our stockings on!!!
The many days and nights filled with disappointment and confusion have finally come to a close. We did not like living in a constant state of discontentment that greatly affected our spiritual and home life.
I can't wait to show you before and after pictures which I am planning to do once we can get in there and start working!
I thank each one of you that have prayed for us about this...
You never know what God has in store for your family, but he is always faithful and until now we have often lost track of that. Only now, could we have completely relied on him for our changing needs.

While I am a bit overwhelmed thinking about all the things in the house that need to be packed, and a little bittersweet to leave such a memory filled house, I am SURE thankful that we can get this done before the holidays and especially to be settled before the baby is born!!

Asher is getting used to the idea more and more... At first, he was not liking the idea of leaving the only home he's ever known, but when we have brought family over to see it, he shows them his room and "the baby's room", and the "swimming pool" otherwise known as the master bedroom. He loves to run through the hallway and go outside to his climbing tree. I think that the more we are there and he's able to get familiar with the place, the more he'll be ok with it when we are actually living there. We have already picked out a special new nightlight for his room and we want him to be a part of the decorating of it too. Maybe even the baby's room too!

Speaking of, baby is doing good... measuring and weighing right on track and heart rate is still at 160bpm. Feeling more movements, especially at night when I'm able to relax and focus on it. This month was a much anticipated appointment... with all the weird dreams I have had, my anxieties have been that something is wrong. It was nice to have the assurance that everything's right. Rich and I were talking about how this pregnancy has been so much different and not as much of a big deal. In fact, we both agreed that sometimes we forget about it. Life goes on and we have things to do. I think Rich was so thrown for a loop with Asher that it's old hat now and he doesn't have near the fears that he had with the first. He knows that we will survive.
May be a couple of weeks before you see another post... we are gonna be a little busy moving and vacationing...:):):):):):)
Have a wonderful day, everyone!!!

15 weeks- A quick little update

As I have a huge pile of work to do on my desk I have only an ounce of time to give an update on us lately...
Life, as we know it, has been extremely busy. I have realized I'm not a person who likes this.... it throws me, Asher and Rich into a tizzy of who's where what time.. and only makes for utter confusion!
Here's our schedule this week:

Monday night: A solo/ensemble practice for choir Musical coming up this Sunday

Tuesday night: Normally a bible study night, but out of sheer MUST we are opting to skip and spend this night home together!

Wednesday night: While we don't have choir practice we still have AWANA. 

Thursday night: Dress Rehearsal for said choir musical

Friday night: work during day, volunteer for booth at craft fair... and then home.

Saturday: Family reunion in Rondo, MO. 

I know... mass craziness.
I know that sometimes weeks like this can't be helped... and we'll get through it...
I need to rely on my Lord to get me through this stretching week so I can stay patient and roll with it.
No doubt that we ALL have to be guarded of our family time when life gets a little crazy. I am so thankful that I have a husband who stands firm in that!!

Tonight you will find us at home enjoying each other and most certainly riding bikes, playing baseball, and maybe even having our dinner outside.
I was so blessed by something that Asher thanked God for a few nights ago... He was praying and began to thank God for protecting and loving our hearts. Oh how I thank Him for that too... and especially for my little children. So much can penetrate our hearts and minds if we let it... only the sweet words of a 3 year old will make me realize it.
Pregnancy is good... sleeping is getting better... baby bump is growing....  that's about all for this week!

9 weeks

9 weeks.....
Each week brings it's own challenges and triumphs.
This week was super busy... either Rich or I had something EVERY night!
I am a person who thrives in routine, so I will be very glad to get back to normal school year activities and know what to expect each week.


Symptoms this week:  Thankfully the sickness has subsided a bit.. that is, if I don't get hungry. Once I go too long without eating is when I start to feel yucky. Still very tired... though when Asher does take a nap I sleep with him. If he doesn't I try to have some rest time while he watches a movie for an hour. Still sore things...:)



Weight Gain / Cravings : Pasta House salad.. with pimentos and artichokes! We ate there for a date night out and then I got the stuff to make it at home! Cravings are also fading.. and I will be glad when eating is enjoyable again.  I don't think I've gained much yet other than fluid, though I still feel like a barn!

Worries / Anxieties :  This week has been ok... though a spike in my hormones have made me a little weepy. Every time I see or hear about the drought and famine in Africa I just bawl and squall. But I would probably do that even if I wasn't pregnant. See here.  Something about welcoming a new baby puts into perspective that your other baby isn't a baby anymore... got a little sentimental and sad thinking about how much Asher has grown.


Goals for the week: Try to do a little more cooking... now that I am feeling better I've been in the mood to bake! I think my longing for Fall will bring us some cinnamon raisin and banana bread. Maybe even try my hand at some honey butter for it!!  I love Fall!!!

II -Again!

Well... we have waited a little longer to announce, but we are pregnant... again.
After our miscarriage we realized that we are ready sooner than later to try for number 2!
Lo and behold we NEVER thought we would get pregnant the month after!
While we are very guarded about this one... we will get happy and really excited when we see that everything is fine and developing nicely.
I have felt pretty good other than bouts of fatigue and moodiness. I know they say that you show quicker with the 2nd and I believe it. I may just be retaining more water but I already feel like I look so big!
We welcome either boy or girl into our family in March of 2012!

He makes everything better

So one more night without Rich!
Truth be told, we have been keeping busy with this and that so other than at night-time we don't really notice that he is gone. Most weeks he is working during the day anyways, so it feels kinda like most.
It's been a good week, I have not had too many times where I want to pull out my hair fistfuls at a time, but I have definitely realized something... He makes me better.
He does so much to take stress off of me. I have had to do every chore this week..... feed animals, take out trash, dishes, laundry.... with no help from anyone but a wee little 3 year old, who puts pull-ups in his laundry!
I'm not being whiny since I do, except the trash, do these things on a weekly basis- but we are equally responsible for them. He always helps to keep the house tidy and dishes done and laundry going.
We have a set of duties and routine that we stick to, mostly. He will clean up while I put Asher to bed and then we can chill together!

Tv shows are not as good without him, dinner is not as fun, and bedtime is much more relaxing when he is here to put my mind at ease. I never have to question whether the doors are locked or if the dryer is off. 
There is definitely a void.... Asher and I can feel it.
He just makes everything and everyone better.
We will be glad to have him home to hug!!!

A little update...

AS most of you know we have been trying to sell our house for a little over 2 years now. It was on the market for 14 months and then it has been for sale by owner since then.
After a day of house looking and covetousness and depression.... we got a call.
Apparently this lady's husband was driving around waiting for her to get off of work and happened upon our house. He loved the neighborhood and they had friends that lived there too.
She called and asked if they could look at the house.... of course we said, YES!
They came and took a look at it and loved it. There are some things that need repairing like the bathtub and a window, but Rich and I are planning to do that anyways.
There was a catch.....
When they were young the young man got a credit card..... was not the most responsible and messed up his credit hard core.
They, at first, asked for owner financing since they had tried to get a home loan a year ago and was not approved.
We knew in our hearts that it was not going to work out in anyone's favor to do that, so my Mom gave them some numbers of loan officers to call.
I called her on Sunday and she said that the lady she went to was so helpful and it looked very promising! She had to wait on a current pay stub, which will take a couple weeks as she is a hair stylist.
It is a hard thing to wait on the wings about this kind of thing. I am a planner and want to be in the know about things like this! She assured me that they would stay in touch and when they got news they would call us.
Here's my request for all of my friends......
Please pray that God's will be done in all of this. Not only do I want it to help out us, but I want this family to be happy as well. This has been our home for 5 years.... it has seen a baby grow into a sweet 3 year old. There are lots of memories here, but there comes a point when you need to move on. I know that this neighborhood and house have been a blessing to us and I'm looking forward to it blessing another family.

How I want so badly to pray that they will buy our house so that we can find one better suited for us, but I can't be impatient.... God's timing is perfect. My prayers are heard and He knows the cry of my heart.
But I can't help be but a little excited. More news to share soon!

A Special Day

This weekend was Rich and my 6th Wedding Anniversary.
We had planned long ago to help out with Kid's Camp that weekend also.
We love to help out with camp and so, to us, we would just celebrate it another day.
Saturday came and we played and got messy and hot and tired.
After cleaning up a little bit, we go to worship later that evening.
As our camp pastor John starts to talk, he's talking about special days and how 2 people here had a special day.
As I sat there I knew something was up!
He asked Rich and I to come up to the stage, while someone gave me a bouquet of flowers and John tells us that we are going to have a little ceremony to renew our vows!!
So, in front of  75 kids and adults, Rich and I got married..... again.
And you know, it really epitomized marriage....
We were standing there exhausted, looking especially natural with T-shirt, shorts, and flip flops.
But yet, despite that... we still meant every word.
Marriage is not a fairy tale where you wake up with hair fixed by singing birds and everything is always passion filled and wonderful.
Marriage is booger wiping, hair is a mess, breath is stinky, falling in the toilet kind of real.
It is still wonderful, and the passion evolves into a love that is more deep and eternal.
I thought I married my best friend 6 years ago, but standing there listening and repeating the words we said to each other before, gave new meaning to them. Fully understanding the amount of choice and effort to be married, I realized that Rich is more of my best friend now than he ever has been before. 

It's a special day that I'll never forget!!
Thanks to Lindell, John, and everyone there, for celebrating a true wedding!

Seis....

 6 years =

2191 days
312 weeks
72 months
2 dogs
2 cats (cerebellar disabled cats)
2 cities
1 apartment
3 horrible cooking failures ( 2 pancake attempts-one of which I made him eat spatula-literally, and 1 pumpkin pie)
6 jobs
2 microwaves
2 kitchen tables
3 beds
1 birth
1 loss
Countless laughs, smiles, hugs, kisses,  and wonderful memories.

I can't imagine experiencing these with anyone else.....

         

Happy Anniversary my Best Friend!!!!!

Puts it in perspective

Well..... I have a post about a wonderful day.
It was a Saturday and we were scared and excited.
In the next 4 days we would fall in love with it already.

God has fashioned our bodies to do amazing things...

Yesterday I was concerned, ended up calling my Dr. because of the bleeding.
Ended up at the Emergency Room later that night.
We were there from 6 until 10:45 and hungry, tired, and tried to pass the time with Bizarre Foods and HGTV.
I had blood tests and an ultrasound taken and they determined that there must have been a window where my body was pregnant but soon after it knew that the egg was not right and was beginning to flush it out.
It was only a fluke that I even found out about it.
I tested on the day that my body had enough hormone to even show up on the test.

So, while we are sad for the fact that we were excited to welcome a little brother or sister now, we are not discouraged and feel like God knows and was allowing my body to do what needed to be done for us to have a healthy baby one day.
I know that Satan's biggest victory is death... therefore, I will glorify the One who gives and takes away. Blessed Be the Name of the Lord!

Good Company

Most posts, as a devoted mother, are about my life as a Mom. Today, I want to talk about my life as a Wife.
I met my husband in highschool and knew right away that there was something incredible about him. He was a Christian-check, handsome--check, had an AMAZING voice--check *sigh, faint*,  not to mention smart and hilarious. All these things made me have stars in my eyes when I was around him. After knowing him a little more and knowing how he did not date--EVER, I brushed it out of my mind and instead put him on the highest pedestal there was. We were auditioning for a production and during call-backs we all had to do kiss takes. Normally, no big deal..... this time I was paired up with Rich.... BIG DEAL! I remember the butterflies in the pit of my stomach leading up to it. I felt like I was going to throw up. The time had come... there we were, face to face, and all I could do was giggle. I felt like the biggest moron, but I could not stop it. Every time he would go in for a smooch, I would laugh! After about 5 or 6 tries, he lays one on me!!!!! I have always imagined the movie kisses with music and fireworks and time stands still, but never had I experienced it first lips.... until that moment.
After that, I could not suppress my feelings as I once had been able to. So avoidance was the only way to deal. Luckily we didnt have many classes together and so It worked... for a while.
That spring we were in another production together.... and for the most part I could hide my feelings. After the last night of the show we all went to a cast party and had a great time. But for some reason each time Rich and I were in the same room, I would be sick. Literally, SICK. I either felt like I was about to burst into tears or puke all over myself. Felt this way all night long.  The one who I wanted to talk and hang out with more than anyone was Rich, but I had to stay away from him the whole night.
After that night, it became extremly hard to talk to him---- in fact, there was one day while we were in class together that you could cut this tension with a knife. I felt like everyone knew that I was in love with him.
Time passed and summer came. It was a lot easier to ignore without seeing him each and every day! We had mutual friends that we would hang out with so I saw him a few times that summer. I even went to see him in a Community Theater play and was able to hold my cool to talk to him for a while. After that we saw each other more and more.
I remember when we first started talking, staying up until the wee hours in the morning with the biggest and most cheesy and disgusting smile on my face that WOULD not go away. I could have talked for the whole day and night! The very mention of his name and there the smile would return to my face.
I realize now that I think God was in on this the whole time. He caused the sickness for all that time and waited for the best moment to reveal why.
We just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary and really married life has been easy. I sometimes feel guilty for this fact. Like, is it supposed to be this way? Am I doing something wrong?
Lately I have been reading a Donald Miller book. He talks about his battle with relationships and how he always seeks advice from others on this topic. He was interviewing a friend who had been married quite some time. He asked him if he believed in "the one" theory. There is only one person out there made for you.
The man decided that no, he didn't believe this to be true. He felt like you can pick your spouse just like you do your dog. You research yourself and your lifestyle and match them accordingly. He says that he felt like his wife was "good company".
I pondered this, because I once thought that Rich and I were "soulmates".... and still feel in some ways we are. BUT.... I agree with this "good company" mentality. God gives you guidelines in how to look for  your mate but you ultimately get to choose who you want to spend your life with. Anymore, a marriage is just a form of entertainment, and as soon as it gets boring... they jump ship and head on to the next one. ( Now... some circumstances regarding divorce are not this way.... ) But the majority of the world feels and acts this way.
I may not have the heeby jeebies every time Rich walks into the room, but I can't wait for him to get home at the end of the day. I may not put on makeup and fix my hair when he comes over, but I don't have to. I may not want to talk to him every minute of everyday, but I cherish the conversations we now have as a family.
I still think he is the most handsome, and love that he is so deeply in love with God, and, ( it seems impossible) but his AMAZING voice has got BETTER!*sigh, faint*   I don't know what I did to have this most incredible person in my life, but he makes me a better person. He is my ultimate BEST friend. And so I am so humbled and honored to wear his ring on my finger and share his last name. I am looking forward to the memories we will make and times we will share together and you better believe that I will have the best company.