Honest and Discontent.

Ughhh.... this day. 

There really has not been a thing that has outright made it bad, I am just frustrated. Frustrated at money.

I love it and hate it. 

I have had the same pair of glasses since I was a senior in highschool and so I am thinking it's time to get an update after 8 years. After calling and going to many websites I am bummed. I can find lots of ones that I like, but cost $300.  If you had a bunch of glasses that were unmarked and set them out in front of me, I bet you I would pick the most expensive one. That's just he way my eye falls.... and it's so frustrating! 

Oh to have money to just go and get the ones I LOVE.....instead of having to pick ones that I like, but are less expensive. 

And what frustrates me even more is that I know I'm not supposed to be caught up in the material things in life... but it sure is hard sometimes.

Rich and I moved back to Nixa from Bolivar after our first, and somewhat hard, year of marriage. We were so done with living in Bolivar and rushed into moving back. We got into a house that was perfect for us-- cute, quiet neighborhood, close to family. We loved it. Then God gave us our most precious surprise and the house quickly got a LOT smaller. More dishes to store, toys in every room, not to mention the baby things you save from your first for others to come.

Then started the discontentment. And if any of you have ever struggled with this... it is a overpowering feeling sometimes. I know everyone sees things that they want but can't afford, that's a part of life. But the difference is when you start to compare your life to those around you and think, " They don't even go to church, or tithe, or live like there supposed to......... They have all this money, house, cars, etc."...and here we are saving to pay for some glasses.

We were tested this past year when we decided to put our house on the market and see if we could take advantage of the great rates, foreclosures, and overall more for your money time in the market. We looked at 50+ houses and fell in love with the idea of more room. But with each home showing, we got disappointment after disappointment. Each time we would pray for someone to come and look at it and LOVE it, like we did when we moved there. But it never happened. 

In that time, our hearts changed. This home that had once been, wasn't anymore. The thought of more room to live, store, play, made our house seem annoying. Each time I had to move things around to fit another plate or when Asher's dishes fell out on top of me when I open the cabinet made me want to scream! 

The discontent disease had taken us over. 

After crying, talking, crying, pleading.... we decided that God had not had moving in our plans.

When we would search inside for the reasons why, we didn't get very far, other than the reasons why we should have a new house. We would use it for God's people to fellowship, we were not asking for a mansion, we do all the "duties" that Christians are called to do...

The worldly things are hard not to worship sometimes. We are here for a short time, but are here none the less. I wish that these things didn't give me the pleasure that they do. 

I like looking pretty, I like feeling confident, I like having nice things. 

It's days like today where I feel an entitlement to these things that I don't like!!!!

We prayed hard for God to change our hearts and minds. We did not like coming home to a bad mood.  

We remembered what our Gparents had when they were young and considered themselves very blessed. 

We eventually took our house off the market and stopped looking at houses. 

Even though I still want to scream each time dishes fall on top of me, and pray for someone to all of a sudden ring our doorbell and want to buy our house, I have dismissed the idea in my head. 

We know that eventually we will get a better house for us and have to, every once in a while, pray for God's patience. 

I am blessed.... beyond what money can buy. I have a home and a  family to come home to. I have a job. I have a God who has my best interest. 

When I get tied into "things", I have to remember this. 

This is not what life is about.... My life's purpose is to please God. Not to look pretty, not to feel confident, not to have nice things.... but trust God. He thinks I am pretty, He wants me to be confident in Him, and He is preparing a place where He will give me the nicest things I have ever seen!

Thanks Lord, I feel better.