Mind is elsewhere....

My heart is so heavy and broken for those lives torn from the tornadoes in Joplin.
It makes me very thankful that I have a family that is healthy and happy.
I have a feeling this experience is going to make my usual anxiety of storms a little worse.... hoping to continue to trust my God who is always with me and never will forsake me, though have to say.. my shakes may be worse.

I have blogged about this before.. it has been a while, but I am really having a tough time with the sale, or lack thereof, of our home.
Is it fair? Here I have a home to go home to, when so many do not.
Where is the line? Between being happy with what you have, all the while wanting a little more accommodations for your family.
It's a hard pill to swallow right now.... the guilt of knowing I should be thankful instead of asking for more, but I can't help but be frustrated with what we want.
We are not asking for anything extravagant.... we just want a home. To grow in, to play in, to love in.... much less safer from storms, and to be able to stay for a long while.
I think that the hardest part is that I have already distanced myself from the house we are in now... it just doesn't feel like home. I don't want to live there anymore, I don't want to hang in  the limbo of.... "when we move..."
It messes with my sense of security.
It breeds discontent.... and that is a pit that you don't want to go.
Because of this, I have felt very distance from God. Shallow, I know.... but true none the less.
I haven't allowed in to be "real" to me lately. Even to the point where I lost faith that he really cared.
I mean, does God really care about what house we live in?

Sunday morning we had a Lord's Supper service which, as I have mentioned before, always brings out the tears in me.
Though this time I was a little dazed.... a little hollow. Knowing, I needed to break through that shell and get my heart right with Him, I prayed. I prayed for Him to be more real... visually real.
I wanted Him to show me He was still there and not turning away from us.
I lifted my eyes to see a precious family walk up the aisle. Their little boy was telling everyone that he had received Christ that day.
I look over and see a young woman, who was deaf, being signed the very prayer that this little guy had prayed earlier. She was accepting His precious gift as well.
There was my proof.
How dare I question the presence of our God in this world.
He is there... he is here beside me each day, caring about my headache, my heartache, and even where I choose to live.
While I still pray for God to send someone to buy our house, I want to take each day... running off the thoughts that Satan tempts me with and replacing them with overwhelming gratitude that, despite feeling like we need to move on, God has given us a home, not just a physical home, but a loving family who can conquer anything together. And really, when my human flesh is pushed aside, that is most important to me.

Again, please pray for those in Joplin. They have a long, difficult road ahead. Some lost their physical homes, but others lost their families. The physical is much easier to replace.
Kiss your family's foreheads tonight thankful that you can.
 I know I will be.

Emily

3 is a big number

Here I am at work not doing a whole heck of a lot while a to-do list for tomorrow is just sitting there, waiting to be completed.
You see... tomorrow is Asher's birthday party. He will be 3 years old.
For some reason this is the mark of him leaving his babyhood. 3 seems like such a big number. And while he really hasn't acted like a baby for a while now, with his adult like conversationalism ( that's totally a word!), I could still hold on the fact that he is only 2! He's really getting taller and thinner, and losing a look of a baby and looking more like a big kid.
I am completely excited for him and all the fun things that we can do now with him being older... He understands and investigates so much more now, and unlike a lot of parents, I LOVE it when he asks why and love to explain things about life to him.

A couple funny explorations he has had lately...
We were sitting in bed and he was talking about death... I know, I know, that's a heavy topic for a 3 year old, but he has witnessed much flushing of fish carcasses in the last few months.
He asked me about when he dies, if I will flush him in the toilet. I said, " well, that will be a long time from now, but when you do you will go live in heaven with Jesus." He looked puzzled and I saw those wheels a turning.... He said, " You flush me to heaven?"  I answered, " No sweetheart, you don't get flushed to heaven."  He looked even more puzzled... " So, you get in your car and drive there?"

I just love how he tells stories! He and my Mom make up some silly ones!!! He was telling one to me the other night and he was really getting into it... He says, as he's telling his story,...." Then SUDDENLY the snake snapped at the bird..."  I laughed so hard at that. I am amazed at this kids vocabulary. He knows words and the meaning and context of them that I never thought he would know at this age.


We were reading "Love you Forever" the other day and he always helps me say the words to that book. After it was over he looked at me and said, " Mama? Can you rock me like that?"
Oh Asher, I will always rock you whenever, wherever you want!!!!!
He used to be rocked all the time.. that was the sure fire way to get him to sleep. Since he was about 18 months he's just got too big for that. So, when he asked.... I, of course, jumped on that chance!!

I am so blessed to have such a cooperative, understanding, tender heart-ed, smart, hilarious, silly, imaginative, independent, hero in the making!
I am also blessed that he has the best Daddy to look to as an example. I am so glad that God brought Rich in my life. I can't imagine making these wonderful memories with anyone else!
They make my life worth living better.
Happy Birthday my little Moompah!

Asher at 1 day old

Asher at 1 year old

Asher at 2 years old

Asher at "almost" 3 years old

I'm a Princess

Boy... this Garage Sale has knocked my sister and I on our hiney's this week!!
We stayed up until 2 on Wednesday night pricing and setting things out.... only to wake up at 5 to go put signs up on Thursday morning.
We are pooped.
One night of coughing disruptive sleep does not recoop one's tired body!
And yesterday evening did me in....
I was trying to tidy up the house, specifically the kitchen, since that had turned into our catch all during the sale.

Do you ever clean and as you are taking something to it's rightful place you notice how dusty the table is and then it leads you to another spot... and then another?
This is what I did for about 30 minutes before starting dinner.

It made me angry, frustrated, and overwhelmed!
I felt like my house was a complete disaster!!!
Now, I don't think that I live amongst squallor by any means, but in every corner was a cobweb, on every table was dust, on every whatever I looked at-- I saw dirt.
Then it made me think.... have I ever had a house that was completely spic and span?
You have those friends that have spotless homes... how do they do that?
I realized, if it WAS ever that way... it was definitely before Asher!
Anyways... I was not in the happiest of moods... paired that with no sleep? Mrs.Cranky McGrumpface

 
Starting dinner, I notice that all our kitchen towels are dirty and we are out of paper towels to dry my hands. Knowing that I'm going to be cutting fresh produce I have to have something to dry my hands off... I go to my closet and grab my apron. It's a new one from my Mom for Christmas. Pink with brown polka dots, and ruffles. Cute by any means.
I start in doing my dinner prep and in walks Asher. He stops dead in his tracks, eyes wide and says...            " Mom! What is that?" I say... "It's my apron, do you like it?" He says..." Oh Mom, You're a Princess!"

Yeah... I'm thinking I'm gonna bust that thing out everyday... and who knows it may bring some awesome super hero powers to keep my house spic and span again!... I highly doubt it, but hey it serves it's purpose none the less as an over sized hand towel just fine!

(For the record...  really like the colors in the one pictured above.... I might take that apron more seriously)

Movie date

Last night, Asher and I were home alone while Rich was at a Bible Study. I had decided we would have a movie night and eat popcorn and snuggle on the couch.
We had been recommended to go to Family Video in Ozark to get free kid movies and most of their other movies are $1 for 5 nights!!!
I was more than happy when we got there and saw the selection that they had.
We decided to go with Charlotte's Web and A Fish Tale (Asher's pick).
Rich and I rented Grown Ups.
Took it all to the counter and since it was our first rental we got 50% off. Total came to $1.38. Geesh. 3 movies for 5 days...
Anyways, GO THERE to rent your movies. No more Redbox for me!!!!!
We got home and Asher and Rich played while I got dinner ready.
I knew that Asher would need a bath so we planned accordingly to get all of it done with plenty of time for movie and decent bed time.
I saw this recipe for bath paints and so thought I'd give it a try.

Foamy Bath paints
Shaving Cream (for sensitive skin...non-scented preferably)

Food coloring

I squirted the shaving cream into all 6 cups of my muffin tin and added food coloring and mixed.

Just use a paintbrush or your fingers.

Washes right off the bathtub walls w/ warm water.

We had a ball! I think we played until the water was cold!
I'll post pics of it when I get home!


He got our blankets ready and got all snuggled on the couch, while I popped the popcorn.
We ate and watched and laughed and sang. I'm hopeful that he had as much fun as I did:)
I was expecting the worst, but A Fish Tale was a pretty good B movie. Asher got upset when a little girl has to say goodbye to her seahorse friend and he was very sad for her. He buried his head in my neck and kept saying "Aww" for her. He's such a sweet and tender heart. It was pretty old, since the DVD kept skipping, but that's ok... have I mentioned it was FREE? 
After toothbrush and toilet time, we always read our books. 2 for him and I read a letter from His Mighty Warrior. Actually he likes them so much I usually read at least 2. He loves to repeat the scripture on each one. Our letter was about using kind words that help people, not words that hurt people. I asked Asher what are hurtful words and he listed off all the words that he has got into trouble for saying... " Oh my Gosh, Bite me, Darn, Hate,.... " ( isn't it funny how they take every opportunity to tell you which ones are not nice,  taking advantage of saying them without getting into trouble) Then I asked him which are nice words and he says, "love, and God's scripture."  I was blown away by that last answer. I said, " Oh Asher, you are exactly right! God's Word always is the right and nicest words to say."  He smiled really big. He likes to make his Mama proud.
Normally, I stay and cuddle for a few minutes after lights are out, but because we have a 5 month old puppy to keep entertained, I had to go back in the living room until Rich got home. I told him that when Daddy got home I would come back in and snuggle.
Rich got home about 30 minutes after lights were out, Asher had been quiet this whole time, so I thought that he was asleep. Rich walked in the door and I heard Asher stir. He was still pretty quiet, but before long, I hear..." Mama.... Daddy's home now. You can come in here!"
I mean how can I resist that?

Tonight we are going to do the same thing only with Daddy home and watching Charlotte's Web.


I love times like this with my little guy.. he's just growing up so fast. He won't even let me call him my little baby boy. He quickly reiterates that he is not a baby, but a big boy.
It's sad that I have to admit that he is.
He will always be my baby boy... shhhh... don't tell him I said that!

I am so honored to be a mother, especially to the best, most darling, sweetest, smartest, and cutest little boy I've ever met!
Happy Mother's Day!

Atitude is EVERYTHING!

Reflecting on times when Asher was little... I was quite a mess.
I had some crazy expectations for this little guy.
He was to sleep all night, eat when he was scheduled.... do everything I thought, or read about, he should do.
Boy was I WRONG!
We started great.. We were going to try Baby Wise and I had my little routine down pat!
I nursed and was absolutely DETERMINED. I wish I could tap into that again sometimes, because I account that to God and God alone. Looking back I don't know how I did it!

We finally got through it but not without totally messing with his sleep schedule, and from my own need for sleep,  he ended up sleeping in bed with us.
I don't think it was until after he was weaned and over a year old that he actually started sleeping all night.

With hormones raging in my body, and the stress of having this new little thing to be responsible for... I was overwhelmed. I remember calling my Mom telling her I was not meant to be a mother. I felt so out of control and insecure about EVERY single decision I made when it came to him.
In my planned, controlled, familiar life, I had everything under control... the birth of Asher created so much self doubt.
Of course, when I finally gave myself some room to learn for myself, I lightened up and let us do our own thing that worked for us.
This is my main advice for anyone having their first baby.
Keep your expectations manageable... do what your instinct tells you. Remember that God chose YOU to be the parents of your little one.

   I have been told MANY times not to wish his childhood away. When he was smaller, I was always anxious about the next milestone and how fun it would be when we could do___..... (fill in the blank).
Now that I am here where I am... I realize that it was so fast! I wish that I would have been more present and not worrying myself silly.
Looking back, I was incredibly selfish... only I did not know it yet. I didn't want this baby to interrupt things that I like to do, such as eat a warm dinner. :)
But..... the baby SHOULD mess up your life. You are (should be) changed when that little person enters the world.
I get so frustrated with mothers who constantly gripe about their lives as a mom.
I mean... do you know how many couples would KILL to to be blessed with kids?
I know that some days can be a struggle.
What I don't understand is why you must tell everyone you come in contact with how horrible your day has been or how much your kids are driving you crazy.

Kids are not ignorant... in fact, they are more in tune with your attitude than you are.
You yell and roll your eyes or act as if they are so annoying.... they will probably be just as much in a bad mood as you are.
Do you want to come across to your children that you are just "putting up" with them?
Giving them the feeling that they are not really valued?

They are craving your whole presence... not just a minute here and there in between laundry or phone calls.
Do you really want to get down and play cars? Color a picture with them?


I just wish that we, who have the privilege to spend the majority of our time home with our kids, can realize what a blessing they are and show them that very thing.
We have overcome a lot to become a mother...
We should take that responsibility more seriously than we do some days. We are one of the most important people in their lives... they look to us for security, comfort, example.
If we show a bad attitude all the time, they are going to be disconnected and feel insecure.
Wake up each morning thanking God for the blessing of our children, because that is really what they are.
When you feel the frustration coming...kiss them, snuggle them, and tell them how precious they are and that you are blessed to be their mom.
Keep our attitudes in check!

A couple books that have helped me that I like:

 

I have this for Asher that I bought at a women's conference this past weekend... I absolutely LOVE it! It is letters written by God teaching little boys how to use their specific characteristics as a boy to be a great husband, man, hero all in the name of Jesus!
Their is also a little girl's version.

This is a wonderful, humbling, book. It deals with anger and frustration in every way it can rear it's ugly head. Even if you don't think you have an anger problem, you should still read this book and I guarantee it will speak to you.