Baby Fever

Rich and I are, (I think), ready to have a little brother or sister for Asher.
I can't be honest and say that I'm not worried about having 2 kids....
I remember the control issues I had to sort out with Asher in the beginning, and hopefully I am now a lot more relaxed when it comes to expectations for kids, especially newborns.

I am a little worried that I will not be able to spend as much time with Asher and that since he is such a Mama's boy he will get very jealous.
It is a bit scary to relinquish some of that attention that is doted on Asher onto something else. I love the family of 3 vibe we have had for the past 3 years.
But I miss babies....
Asher just loves a little guy named Tucker at church, and asks me all the time if we can have one of him.
I miss being pregnant... somewhat. I had an incredibly easy pregnancy with Asher, never really had any sickness, but I slept horrible and was perpetually tired.
If you know much about me, you know I NEED sleep! I am not a very happy person to be around if I have not had much.
Also, going through the pain of the C-section again... is not really scary... just painful. I also had the PUP rash, since I am apparently allergic to oxytocin. I had a rash all over and it was more itchy than ANY bug bite I have ever had. I think that I would have been cut open again as to have that again... at least I could pop a Percoset for that! NOTHING helped the rash!
Overall, I know that a brother or sister is probably the best gift that we could give Asher. A lifetime of someone that knows them better than anyone. Who can relate, give advice, groan about mom and dad to.... a best friend.
My sister is 11 years older than me. I ALWAYS wanted a sister to share my room with. I was lonely as a kid without any siblings close to me.
I want that for my kids!!!
A noisy house, a busy dinner table, lots of stories to share, family games, fights.. but most importantly about the love that each one will bring to the family. They each have a place, a purpose-- a unique personality that only they can hold and add to the love of the family.
I mean looking at things like this.... how can you not fall in love all over again?

Death wouldn't hold you down!!!!

Oh the blessed day.
Mary and Martha go to the tomb to continue the process of death, only to find a vanished Jesus.
There lay the cloths that he bore intending to be buried forever, but instead he is clothed in Victory!


You know, I think that even if Jesus would have only given His life on the cross it would have still been enough, I mean he's God.
But rising from the dead?...... it was Satan's KO!!!!!
Satan has rare joys in life... death is what brings him the most.  He wants us to fear it, to grieve it, to resent it, and to doubt God in it.
To turn something from a tragedy into an act of worship is like pulling the proverbial "rug" out from under him.
The Resurrection was the ultimate!

"The enemy's been defeated. Death wouldn't hold you down!!!"

 I heard from someone that though the earth is Satan's domain, he still has to BOW in the name of Jesus. He cannot get in the way  of God's plan!
That is so reassuring to me.... He tries, golly he tries, but he MUST bow.


I am so humbled and gracious for Jesus.
My heart feels the same way it felt when I first asked Jesus into my heart. I was only 6, I didn't know everything... I just wanted to love Jesus. He did so much for me. I wanted to love him for that.
I still do.

To my friends....
My prayer for you is to look within yourself. If there is a void... a love that is not filled in your heart.... He is the missing piece.           He loves you--- who you are right here, right now.
Just like me, you don't have to know it all. All you have to do is say you love him back.

Happy Easter.
Praise the God who made all this possible!

But then comes Sunday...

Today is Good Friday. A burst of emotions both hurtful and hopeful flood my soul today.
Last night was our Maundy Thursday service. Our church takes communion together and remembers a night that our Lord prepared himself, as well as, his disciples for a very intense 3 days.
I love this service. I love taking the Lord's Supper. I cry each time I do it, because I remember the terrible price that was paid.
I wanted to be focused, intent on this one night especially. I wanted Asher to see his Mom, Dad and church take part in this symbol that Jesus himself created. Only thing was, Asher was not all that interested. He was not being the most reverent and quiet, though prompted a thousand times. He wanted a cracker, got a cheerio instead. He wanted juice, he got it- just not out of the same cup as Mommy. I thought I was prepared. After many warnings, I had to break and take him for a "Mommy pep--I'm so stinking serious-- talk" outside in the lobby explaining what I expected him to do. He agreed. We went back in to get started.
Needless to say, I was not present. Asher did the best he could, but I did not take the Lord's Supper as I normally do.
But you know, I paused.
I looked at this precious little blond haired boy playing cars beside me and said to myself,

" Lord Jesus... you were thinking of him."

The blood and body that you poured out was for him. For my son. For everyone's son.
There is such a heaviness on Good Friday. It's like you just can't help but mourn the death of Jesus each year.
Can you imagine the grief that those who loved Jesus experienced the 2 days after his death?

I think of my little children... one that I have now and ones I will have in the future. I think of their kids, their grandkids. No doubt the world, as it always has, it will evolve into a more evil place to be. Who knows what they will face in their lifetime, but I can rest assured that the pain, grief,  and wrath of God Christ endured was given freely to see that my son, his son, his son, can be justified to enter heaven someday.
Oh, what a glorious, spectacular, day Friday was.
But then comes Sunday........

Mom: and the sacrifice of that name.

The list goes on and on.....
Do you ever feel like you lose your identity?
Your days are made up of taking care of little ones, cleaning up, cooking dinner, cleaning up dinner, baths, bedtime..... all to finally get some time to yourself before you faint from exhaustion.
Thats kinda where I am today.....
Feeling under-appreciated, under-paid, just kinda like my efforts are not worth a hill of beans.

It's expected. Not appreciated.

I am trying really hard to be good at being a mother, wife, employee, child of God, friend.....
Some days it's all I can do not to scream!
Being lost in all the other labels, and proud to hold them... I lose sight of me.
I thought about my hobbies.... other than an occasional sewing project, I have none.
What are my outlets?..... I don't. Other than maybe here.....
Every hour of every day is taken up by someone or something.
I know I'm not alone... many mom's out there struggle with this.

What and whom am I trying to please?

What is it that I want in return?

I don't really know the answers.....
Mom's.... how to you battle this identity crisis within yourself sometimes?

Friday... and a post to combat a bad mood.

I have not slept a restful sleep in about a week.
It's catching up with me.
It's really hard to brush away a bad mood brewing when it's cold, and cloudy and I'd much rather be home in sweats.
So...... I am forcing myself to list things that make me happy and share them with you so, in case you are a grump like me today, you can be reminded of things that make you happy.

Bible Study was called off last night, so we went and got some milkshakes, and surprised Nana and Papa with a chocolate yummy and some visiting. Rich and I used to go to their house and talk for hours when we were child-less. We talk about everything, and they always seem to bring new light into a situation we are dealing with. We still love to visit and their conversation and wisdom can brighten any day... I am so blessed to have grandparents through Rich and am SOOO glad that Asher gets to spend time with them as well! It was precious to watch Asher draw pictures with Papa, something they have done since Asher was old enough...
We arrived home and since my nerves were shot with the approaching storm, Asher slept with us. ( I am really a nervous wreck anytime there is a chance of tornadoes and severe weather! Have been ever since I was small) I remember a time, not that long ago, he used to sleep in our bed all the time. It is an adjustment having him back in there, and I really don't think that any of us sleep very well when this happens, but there's something about knowing that your child is safe and cozy beside you that can soothe all fears and worries. I was ok with that, I think he was too.

Yesterday before it was storming I had an urge to get some things done. The day before, I massively cleaned our master bathtub, which had not had a good cleaning in like a year. I know, gross! It felt so great to check something of my long list, that I wanted to do another while the weather was decent.
I pulled weeds. I P.U.L.L.E.D. weeds. I pulled W.E.E.D.S.
 And it was actually pretty gratifying. We have something called "chick-weed" that covered all my flower beds and they grow somewhat like an ivy, but they are really light and rip out really easy. It was nice having a nice looking flower bed! My clematis is already started blooming!

While we were working we found 2 snails and 2 worms... Asher loved watching the snails! I can't lie... I did too! We put them on his warm slide and they immediately started coming out of their shells and he was mesmerized. Their little antennae fascinate me... they are one little sluggy mound of awesome entertainment!
The worms he liked to watch and talk about how squirmy they were, but would not touch them if I paid him 100 hot wheels! (I love that kids have no concept of money!) We talked about how worms have a head and a tail even though they look and act the same, and that they live in the dirt, and if you have worms in your dirt you have good dirt!
Our neighbor had the same idea to get some yard work done and he showed us where a turtle dove built a nest in one of his bushes and lifted Asher up to see them. They were big and white and I'm hoping they made it though the crazy wind!!!
I set up a little planting station for Asher to dig in some potting soil and fill up a few little pots to plant his wildflower seeds that we got. He made more of a mess than anything, but he enjoyed getting dirty and looking for things in the dirt. We planted them, watered them and gave them a nice warm place in the sun on the front entry way. I said, "Now all we have to do is water them some and watch them grow"... Asher sat right down and said so matter of fact, "I'm watching them grow!".... :)

Rich and I usually try to get a little spending money for each of us when we get our tax return in each year. I could have spent it on SOOO many things... I dreamed and planned for weeks to decide what I was going to use it on. I thought of everything from paint, to sewing supplies, to etsy shops, anything and everything I was gonna use that money to get this! When it came down to it, I decided to buy an new Easter dress. I really wanted one from Shabby Apple, but they are too much and probably would not get here on time so I saw a Target circular with some cute dresses and decided to go there. There was not as many to choose from as I was hoping for, but Asher actually picked out the one I bought. Of course, it's his favorite color-- red. Speaking of that, I really wanted to get him a pair of red converse with the money, he has an over abundance of shoes, but his brown converse are his absolute favorite and they are getting a little worn. But his birthday is coming up and I really felt like I needed to use this money on me.
The dress, though adorable, is a little short so I went and got some leggings to wear with it to make me feel a little more covered. Not to mention that I also teach preschool Sunday School!

This morning I was grumpily reading my blog list that I am so way behind on and found a tutorial for a fabric necklace that I have been searching for for a long time! It is sold on one of my etsy stores as a chomping necklace for babies to teethe on and I have always thought it was the most brilliant idea ever! FINALLY, I can make one of my own!!!!! That made me happy.


I am so thankful for a giving God. I was informed on Tuesday that my job was going to have to cut my hours back and that they wanted me to come on 2 days instead of 3. This came as a mixed emotion. I was happy because Thursdays were incredibly hard for Asher. He had my sister keep him in the morning and then my Mom in law kept him in the afternoon. The way the transition was timed, he always went to bed late and was not the best behaved little guy that evening. I think it was a little too much change and chaos for him. I was never really glad to work 3 days a week. At first I thought it would not be so bad, but even adding just one day, I felt I was gone the whole week! I wanted to be home with Asher. The down side was, that he were enjoying the extra money on that day. We were not so pressed and it added a little wiggle room. I was afraid that Rich would be stressed. He went through a time, and I'd rather not return!! When I broke the news to him, he was not upset and, in fact, was pleased to know that I could spend an extra day with Asher and we would not have to worry about who he's with at what time and all that. I was so relieved.
The circumstances were not within my control. I did not do anything to warrant it, it's just something you deal with when you are in my line of work. I took the job anticipating that something like this could happen. I know that God has a plan. He knew how unhappy I was and new I would never take that step on my own. Maybe he's trying to make us realize a little more sacrifice of something that may not be needed in our lives.
Whatever his reason, it's a good one, I know that for sure.

While I'm not little Cheery Happy Pants, I am a little more positive for today. We are going to be visiting some awesome friends tonight and fun will be had by ALL, so I know after I see my sweet baby's blue eyes and get to drink coffee and talk, I'll be just fine!
Have a wonderful weekend friends!
Emily

Confusion or jealousy. A fine line.

Man. Here I was thinking that I was over all this.
I was faced with an unsettling this morning.
Someone I know came to me and said that they were reading in Isaiah 45 when God promises to be your strength, give you opportunity, and to prosper you.
He was telling me that his wife was told she was getting a raise, in a company that does not give raises. From what he was saying, she was the only one.
I took from it that, as well as other things that he has said to me before, that as long as you are doing what you are supposed to be, God will bless you not only spiritually, but monetarily.
No doubt that if she is the only one that got a raise, it is a blessing from God, but here I was hearing this and just could not be happy for them. Something about it all seemed a little "Osteen" if you will.
I realize how selfish and jealous this sounds.... and truth be told there is probably a lot of this at the root of it.
I just have never found where God says that he wants us to be rich and shower money upon us if we "do" what we are supposed to "do".
It has left me a little discouraged and judgmental.
I know that this person was not telling me this with the intent to make me feel inferior, I know this person cares for me very much.
OK... just turned to the Word for some comfort, since the human-ess of me wanted to shout "NOT_FAIR" like a little child would, and instead he directed me to 1 Peter 3:8-12.

"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but he face of the Lord is against those who do evil. "

Do I worship money because I don't have it? Would it be a stronghold on me if I had it?
I have tremendous blessings, and not because of what I "do", but because I serve a faithful and need meeting God.
I have never once gone hungry or wondered how we would eat...
I always have nice clothes to wear...

"Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." 
Matthew 8:22
Look there. God's own Son had no shelter over his head, no security of a home, other than, the perfect provision of his Father.
Who I am to deserve anything less than what Jesus had. Because in all circumstances I deserve worse. 

" Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 

'Never will I leave you

    never will I forsake you.' " Hebrews 13:5



It's so easy for me to fall prey to this.... I wish that it wasn't so.
Rich and I have found that going through the struggles of selling our house, we get into this mind set so easily. We are very thankful for the Lord providing us with a house, but we equally want one that will better fit our coming needs of 2 kids and more space.
It has been a really challenging time for us and being content.
Prayers for me to stay positive and focused on the plan and provision that God wills for us.

Emily

Underwear

 Well, here I am at a crossroads.
My baby is wearing big boy underwear.
We had dabbled in the potty pool off and on to see how comfortable he would be with it all.
He didn't really seem to care to awful much except when he was watching Diego and didn't want to leave it.
He loved all the praise and attention he received from going in the potty.
So last Friday I was thinking.. It's time. So off we went to Target and bought some underwear, which was the happiest set of rainbows! He picked out Super Why, Cars ( of course) and Yo Gabba Gabba.
Might I add that little boy underwear is the cutest thing in the universe?
We also picked out some prizes for when he stays dry all day. A few little hot wheels.
He helped me make a reward chart to keep track of his success.

First day... He was so excited to pick out his underwear! I know this is not normally the day to start things like this, but we had plans to go to the zoo and lunch with some family, as well as, dinner with the other family that night. I thought, this is life... if we can get through this we can do anything.
Not a single accident ALL DAY!! I was so stinkin proud of this smart little man!!
He got a hot wheel that night after dinner:)

Second Day.... Church. I didn't have as high of hopes for this day, since it is usually the most chaotic and busy day of the week for us. And my intuition served me right. I came prepared, or so I thought, and packed 3 change of clothes. We went through ALL of them. From 8:30 to 11:30.
I know that there will be days like this, but by the end of the day, I was SOOO TIRED of pee and wet pants and socks!! I felt very defeated.

Third Day...Home all day! Hooray!! I knew that this day HAD to be better than the last. He was able to go around the house without pants on, and he actually went all on his own a couple of times. Poop being one of them!! Again, Dry ALL day!! He got another hot wheel.:)

I have realized that I must limit his intake...
I have realized that grocery shopping trips triple in length when you are heading to the bathroom 3 times while you are only there an hour anyways!
I have realized pull ups for church days until he gets used to telling someone when he needs to go...
I have realized to not put too much pressure on him to do this, I don't want it being a test of wills between the two of us.
I have realized that diapers were SUCH a pain!
I have realized I'm going to be doing laundry a lot more often.

I have realized that my baby is growing up.:(

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