We had a good family night dinner complete with a little time at Barnes and Noble to get Asher a "spooky" Berenstein Bears book, plus a couple others that he's obsessed with on the back of the ones he already has.
Home and a lazy time of getting ready for bed... complete with reading all 3 new books. Asher asked me to lay beside him while we listened to his Bible stories and BOTH of us fell asleep. After waking up and my hand was cold and completely dead- not just asleep, I went back into the living room to watch the Office with Rich. After watching a few new shows I was ready to back to sleep so off the t.v. went and back to sleep I went... or at least those were my intentions!
My bed felt as though I might as well have slept on the floor! My hips hurt laying on my side, when you're pregnant you can't sleep on your back, and my belly is poking out just enough to make it really squished laying on my stomach. So, It seemed that I changed positions about every 30 seconds.
Asher and we have been on a bad habit of when he wakes up in the middle of the night we go get him and bring him in bed with us... not a good habit... case in point when we look like the letter "H" with a head in one's back and feet in the other's face!! So the more I move the more I woke him up and made it hard for him to get back to sleep too. There were a few times that I snapped at him to hurry up and get comfortable. I eventually moved to the foot of the bed in hopes to get a little more wiggle room without bothering him when after a few minutes I realize that he's about to fall off the bed! I grab his head and move it, somewhat harshly, back over on the pillow. By this point I am about in tears for the frustration of being awake and tossing for about 2 hours. My movement scared him and he started to cry... he says.. "I'm sorry Mama, be nice to me!" Talk about a knife in the heart....
After apologizing and telling Asher that Mama needed a timeout and that I was going to go to the living room to get a better attitude, I slunk out of the room feeling like a complete heel. From then on I still tossed and turned and cried knowing how I had let my anger build up until I took it out on my precious baby. He didn't deserve that at all...
I'm not always the fair and trusting Mama that I should be.... I am not always tender and understanding.... I'm a lot of times selfish, I want things to go a certain way and when they don't, I get mad. And I am particularly slave to it when I am sleep deprived.
I just thank God that a new day comes in the morning with his sweet face smiling at me and giving me my morning snuggles. He still loves me despite my many times I disappoint him and me. And I hope he knows how much I love him even when he does things that upset me.. even though I do not show it sometimes.
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