It makes me very thankful that I have a family that is healthy and happy.
I have a feeling this experience is going to make my usual anxiety of storms a little worse.... hoping to continue to trust my God who is always with me and never will forsake me, though have to say.. my shakes may be worse.
I have blogged about this before.. it has been a while, but I am really having a tough time with the sale, or lack thereof, of our home.
Is it fair? Here I have a home to go home to, when so many do not.
Where is the line? Between being happy with what you have, all the while wanting a little more accommodations for your family.
It's a hard pill to swallow right now.... the guilt of knowing I should be thankful instead of asking for more, but I can't help but be frustrated with what we want.
We are not asking for anything extravagant.... we just want a home. To grow in, to play in, to love in.... much less safer from storms, and to be able to stay for a long while.
I think that the hardest part is that I have already distanced myself from the house we are in now... it just doesn't feel like home. I don't want to live there anymore, I don't want to hang in the limbo of.... "when we move..."
It messes with my sense of security.
It breeds discontent.... and that is a pit that you don't want to go.
Because of this, I have felt very distance from God. Shallow, I know.... but true none the less.
I haven't allowed in to be "real" to me lately. Even to the point where I lost faith that he really cared.
I mean, does God really care about what house we live in?
Sunday morning we had a Lord's Supper service which, as I have mentioned before, always brings out the tears in me.
Though this time I was a little dazed.... a little hollow. Knowing, I needed to break through that shell and get my heart right with Him, I prayed. I prayed for Him to be more real... visually real.
I wanted Him to show me He was still there and not turning away from us.
I lifted my eyes to see a precious family walk up the aisle. Their little boy was telling everyone that he had received Christ that day.
I look over and see a young woman, who was deaf, being signed the very prayer that this little guy had prayed earlier. She was accepting His precious gift as well.
There was my proof.
How dare I question the presence of our God in this world.
He is there... he is here beside me each day, caring about my headache, my heartache, and even where I choose to live.
While I still pray for God to send someone to buy our house, I want to take each day... running off the thoughts that Satan tempts me with and replacing them with overwhelming gratitude that, despite feeling like we need to move on, God has given us a home, not just a physical home, but a loving family who can conquer anything together. And really, when my human flesh is pushed aside, that is most important to me.
Again, please pray for those in Joplin. They have a long, difficult road ahead. Some lost their physical homes, but others lost their families. The physical is much easier to replace.
Kiss your family's foreheads tonight thankful that you can.
I know I will be.
Emily
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